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Today in Tabs: Ancillary Bezos

Real talk, Bezos has a “bald Kevin Spacey” thing going on lately, right?

Today in Tabs: Ancillary Bezos
[Screenshots: via Blue Origin]

Blue Origin 1 Esk 19, Jeff Bezos’s ancillary on our local planet, revealed yesterday that his space dong thrust deeply into the upper edges of Earth’s atmosphere and returned, still proudly erect, while Elon Musk’s could only topple into the ocean flaccidly. Soon you will be able to order a weirdly animated trip to space on Amazon Prime, along with your Clippy erotica and eventually your Hitler card game. Amazon also got in on the hip new fascism trend, covering a New York train car in Nazi and Imperial Japanese symbols to promote Man in the High Castle. The MTA claims it “didn’t have a choice” about the campaign, just one month after it went to court in an attempt to reject ads saying that Muslims are ok.

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Zoe Stavri made a sourdough starter using her own vaginal yeast, in the proud tradition of vaginal yogurt, breastmilk cheese, and vaginal yeast beer. Men were mad about it, because our bodies produce nothing that nourishes life.

A free University of Ottawa yoga class was canceled due to a nonsense complaint that practicing yoga could be perceived as cultural appropriation. Instead of the correct response (which would have been “no it’s not?”), the adorable Canadians “debated rebranding the program, but stumbled over how the French translation for ‘mindful stretching’ would appear on a promotional poster” and gave up. While we’re at it, Choire would also like to complain about yoga.

This essay on pandering by Claire Vaye Watkins is worth reading, and Jacqui Shine, Erin McCann, and Nicole Chung all had interesting responses to it on the popular microblogging service, Twitter, which are also worth reading.

11/22:Trump on rally protester: ‘Maybe he should have been roughed up’

11/24: Armed white supremacists shoot five Black Lives Matter protesters in Minneapolis. So that’s how that’s going.

This is so important. Did you know: You might live in a “sex house” right now! “Female ISIS suicide bomber” is what you see when you look at an ordinary woman from Morocco through a racist worldview. This Thanksgiving, stay woke. Amanda Hess reported on what it was like inside Sony during the hack. I’ll have nightmares for weeks. And finally, the State Department issued a warning that we should all just, “you know, be careful. Wherever you’re traveling, just keep an eye out. For no particular reason. If you know what we mean.” The State Department then winked awkwardly and stood behind a nearby tree until everyone stopped trying to ask it questions.

Today in Cool-Ass Sea Slugs: The rare Blue Dragon.

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Today’s Song: Freddie Gibbs, “10 Times” feat. Gucci Mane & E-40

~The only thing we have to tab is tabs themselves~

Today in Tabs sincerely apologizes for what a bummer reality was yesterday, today, and every day. We document the flaws of this timeline every civilized weekday (i.e. Monday through Thursday) in your email and on Fast Company. I also tweet, in flagrant violation of the best advice from those who care for me. Be my intern, it’s the best job in media!

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