The heart is deceitful above all things, and wicked beyond compare. Who can understand it? (Please heart this)
— Elizabeth Bruenig (@ebruenig) November 3, 2015
After adding Moments (in some Twitter clients) and Polls (ibid.) Jack Dorsey’s campaign of what either Mat Honan or one of his three co-authors at Buzzfeed perfectly described as “dude-fussing” rages on, with today’s replacement of Twitter’s distinctive favorite-stars with the same garbage like-hearts all the other social networks have. Everyone hauled out their clever puns for the event, like Casey Newton’s “Stars Dust,” and Cooper Fleishman’s “Your fave is problematic.” Twitter started testing the change this summer, and Tressie McMillan Cottom blogged about why it was a bad idea back then, as did John Herrman more than three years ago. Of course there’s the Slate-pitch: this change is actually good. Just yesterday, Rob Meyer wrote a thinky post on why Twitter isn’t growing anymore, which Paul Cantor summarized in light of today’s cardiopocalypse. But I think Sarah Jeong best explained the ferocious user response to this minor change:
time for the “what did twitter do instead of addressing abuse solutions” checklist
— a literal psyduck (@sarahjeong) November 3, 2015
Meanwhile, Facebook is training artificial intelligences to send parrots to your office and answer arbitrary questions, but I’m sure they’re paying keen attention to this single-emoji Twitter update as well.
[walking along the beach]
“Ooh. A conch.”
[gently pick it up and bring it to my ear]
” you used to call me on my shell phone “
— ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ (@karenkho) November 3, 2015
Today in Tech Persons: Egg’s “follow more women” effort isn’t going all that well. Laura Arrillaga-Egg got in some trouble herself for a T Magazine encomium to people her husband invests in and/or massive scientific frauds. But oh well! chirped Alessandra Stanley in an incoherent column, “second-guessing in Silicon Valley is a pesky inevitability.” Lawrence Lessig is out of the Presidential race because no one was interested in his stunt candidacy. That means there are only three Democratic candidates left: Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. And teen Instagram star Essena O’Neill got very real about what it was like behind the selfie. She plans to “use her platform to spread the values of environmental preservation, veganism, and ‘being present,'” so congratulations to her on a successful evolution from early-teen to late-teen.
wow it’s been daylight savings for a day and i’m still writing “it’s an hour ago” on all my checks
— gregory erskine (@cat_beltane) November 2, 2015
Activision bought neo-Zynga King Digital, the declining creator of 2013’s mobile addiction Candy Crush for $5.9 billion. No reasonable person believes this was a good idea.
Kyle Chayka, Brian Feldman, and Max Read launched a NYMag popup blog called Following. Max Read described is as a site “about internet culture, social media, and the many weird and fascinating things people do online” and then resigned in protest. So far Libby Watson wrote about how trolling is sometimes good and some anonymous contributor warned of the dangerous obviousness of your Insta-creeping so that’s going pretty well.
Mark Bittman took a job thought-leading for vegan meal-kit startup and penis euphemism Purple Carrot. Needles were found in Halloween candy somewhere maybe, but you know you’ll click even though it’s a complete hoax. Joe Veix on the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. Caitlin Dewey found the truth behind the Zola tweetstorm. Today in Cats. These human Burnings Man made an engagement ring out of a wisdom tooth and probably still don’t think of themselves as the absolute worst. Dutch designer Thijs Biersteker revealed “the first punchable computer.” I beg to differ. Amazon opened a bookstore because Amazon can do anything it wants to. The soft sound of employee weeping drifts from the bathroom, so it’s just like every other bookstore. And a giant crack opened up in Wyoming. I’m sure it’s fine.
SOMEONE GET THIS MAN A LOT OF DICKS AND A THERMOMETER ALSO @drmoonboots
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) November 3, 2015
Today’s Cover: The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, “Laid“
Today’s Song: Hum, “Stars“
~She only faves when she’s on top~
Today in Tabs is super caremad about Twitter stars in case you couldn’t tell. Fave us on Fast Company or like us in your email. If you like this newsletter, tell no one and do not leave your home for any reason, no matter what noises you hear, or don’t hear, outside. If you don’t like it, please forward it to ten people you also don’t like.