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Capital One Taps Rob Gronkowski To Educate Us About “Gronkonomics” For Some Reason

Who better to spread the gospel of fiscal responsibility than the hard-partying Patriots tight end?

Ask any New England Patriots fan–there’s very little that Rob Gronkowski can’t do. He’s two scores away from passing Shannon Sharpe on the list of NFL tight ends with the most receiving touchdowns (and in six seasons to Sharpe’s 14!). He’s got a Super Bowl ring, he captains his own party cruise, and he loves to take his shirt off. He is a bestselling author for his as-told-to memoir It’s Good to Be Gronk, and he’s the subject of a very creative piece of e-book erotica called A Gronking to Remember. When you really stop and think about it, why wouldn’t you look to Gronk for financial advice as well?

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That’s probably what Capital One reckoned when they enlisted the tight end to educate its customers on Gronkonomics, described as “one-of-a-kind personal finance tips and lessons in money saving from savings all-pro Rob Gronkowski.” There actually is a rational basis in tapping Gronk to talk finance–the goofy, human version of a great dane made headlines this summer when he revealed that he keeps his entire NFL salary in savings, living exclusively off his (lucrative) endorsements–but also, it’s very funny to put the word Gronk in any sort of professional, educational, or business context. With that in mind, here are the core tenets of Gronkonomics:

  • Aim for short-term goals. You’ll save more successfully when a goal feels in sight.
  • Nickname your savings account to keep yourself motivated and focused.
  • Establish financial discipline. Set up automatic transfers to more effectively meet your savings goals.
  • Open a savings account that works hard for you with no fees, no minimums, and high interest returns.
  • Create sub-savings accounts. You’ll stay better motivated for the things you’re working toward.
  • Establish financial discipline. Put the same amount of money in your savings account that you spend on nonessential purchases.
  • Reallocate extra dollars into an emergency savings fund.

None of that is bad advice, and if Gronk is living by those guidelines, then he’s likely to enjoy the sort of long-term financial comfort that will allow him to pick and choose the goofy endorsement deals he takes on in the years to come. But if Gronkowski can spell the word reallocate, we can catch 61 touchdown passes from Tom Brady.

About the author

Dan Solomon lives in Austin with his wife and his dog. He's written about music for MTV and Spin, sports for Sports Illustrated, and pop culture for Vulture and the AV Club.

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