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Today in Tabs: The News From Dorking & Crawley

Spoopy! Creppy!

Today in Tabs: The News From Dorking & Crawley
[Source photos: Flickr users Kevin Dooley, Todd Anderson, Wikimedia Commons]

It’s October! And I wasn’t going to start with spooky Halloween Tabs this early but… gestures vaguely at the moon. A NYC cleanup crew found a human skeleton inside a couch in Brooklyn, and True Detective Season Three immediately broke out. In Michigan, James Bristle (you know, the farmer?) discovered a nearly complete wooly mammoth skeleton that showed signs of human predation. This refrigerator is DEFINITELY NOT INFESTED WITH BATS. And a swarm of flying daddy longlegs are reportedly menacing the hilariously named English villages of Dorking and Leatherhead. Appropriately, the same article also appears in the even more aptonymic Crawley News.

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But hey, you want to see something really scary? Have a look at the newspaper business. Today the Tribune Company annnounced an “Employee Voluntary Separation Program,” which will literally divide employees into several smaller, horribly mangled partial employees. These “newsroom cuts” as Dylan Byers euphemistically calls them, will leave hundreds of L.A. Times employees suffering from severe blood loss, and unable to effectively resist awful front page ad takeovers or detect typos. I wish them the best, and remember: the pools of blood will get quite sticky if you just let them clot for a few minutes.


“Want your tax cut, Georgie?”

Roger D. Hodge reported on Zappo’s transformation into an unworkable holacratic disaster for TNR. He wrote it pretty straight but stick around to the end because it goes completely Col. Kurtz:

Everyone was so inspired by Rosemary’s example, by the way she had “slain her dragon,” that the Why Space was rebranded as Hero’s Journey—though as often happens at Zappos, with its frequent changes of nomenclature, Zapponians will probably always use the Beach, Why Space, and Hero’s Journey interchangeably, thus giving new hires and visiting journalists even more to scratch their heads about. “Beachgoers” and “Why Spacers” are also now known as “Explorers.”

“I watched an alpaca crawl along the edge of an Airstream trailer…”

Adblock Plus adds AdBlock blocker to its ad blocker bloc” speculated The Register, but for sure AdBlock was sold and they won’t say to whom. It also joined Eyeo’s bullshit extortion racket, so it’s time to switch to uBlock Origin. Every cat is a jerk cat. Napping salon Doze is real, says Sarah Jeong. Radiohead’s “Kid A” is fifteen years old, and I still haven’t recovered from the Pitchfork review. Carly Fiorina was terrible at business and also awful at campaigning. Oh, Meryl, no. 27 Superior Ways to be a Modern Man. Pieces thinked.

Today’s Ambiance: Tabs today was written to the ambient sounds of the Slytherin common room and this great playlist.

Today’s Song: Run the Jewels, “Rubble Kings Theme (Dynamite)

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~Ice age coming, Ice age coming, Let me hear both tabs~

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