The internet was captivated yesterday by a video of a rat, headed home to Queens for some trashbags & chill with bae, trying to carry a whole slice of pizza onto the L train platform. Only fourteen seconds long, the video is nonetheless a masterpiece; a titanic struggle between the great American archetypes “vermin” and “unhealthy food”; a roller coaster of optimism, loss, defeat, and new hope, played out against a backdrop of authentic New York filth. It ends on an ambiguous note, the rat eyeing the pizza with… longing? Determination? Despair? It is impossible to say. Either way, the struggle itself is enough to fill a person’s heart. One must imagine pizza rat happy.
Pizza rat’s brief media efflorescence was eclipsed by the news that Scott Walker, Wisconsin governor and union-busting rat, was abandoning his presidential pizza on the third step. His campaign was garbage and no one will miss him.
My favorite e-reading service Oyster announced in a blog post that it “couldn’t be more excited about the future of ebooks and mobile reading,” so therefore naturally “we will be taking steps to sunset the existing Oyster service over the next several months.” It appears that beloved-service-murdering giant tech rat Google knifed the business in order to acqui-hire some of its team. Oyster’s existing customers will just be left behind, like a slice of Papa John’s that not even a rat would want.
In addition to the Oyster/Google news, Re/Code’s Peter Kafka, who was apparently the only media reporter working yesterday, also reported rumors that German supervillain Axel Springer might buy American supervillain Business Insider for $560 million, and that Hearst is investing $21 million in bro-media network Complex.
Nervous about defending my dissertation on how to get around the limitations of a monkey’s paw. I just wish it was over already.
— Avery Edison (@aedison) September 22, 2015
One of the big recent pharmaceutical price-gouges was rolled back yesterday, but Turing Pharmaceuticals’s CEO and professional gamer (of course) Martin Shkreli is sticking to his lack of principles. And, while it’s true that if you look up “douchebag” in the dictionary there’s a picture of Shkreli flipping the bird and drinking a hot cup of go fuck yourself out of a mug that says “World’s #1 Douchebag” in comic sans, he is also just doing what capitalism and the broken American health care system demand. He is the rat, your life is the pizza, and whatever you think about that is just background filth.
not gonna get excited about sweater weather until thirst season ends
— deep killer brown (@vmochama) September 22, 2015
Apple is developing a car that will go slower every year for three years and then stop running entirely. The 21 Bitcoin Computer goes on pre-sale for $400, promising to seamlessly turn your regular household electricity into theft. Tech angle Found. Driverless pods usher in Europe’s dorky, efficient, pod-themed future. The internet of incompatible things ushers in America’s infuriating, Philip K. Dick-themed future. Let Mandy Stadtmiller’s “It Happened To Me: ‘It Happened To Me’ Happened To Me” happen to you. This year’s second most popular Halloween costume will be Sexy Revulsion and Loathing. Life… Finds A Way. And Darius Kazemi released an ethical ad blocker.
~Tabbin’ too hard can give you a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack~