It’s Friday, why would you even want to know what the Tabs are today? Look, do yourself a favor and just read this incredible short story by “Bojack Horseman” creator Raphael Bob-Waksberg:
We had announced with great fanfare a new era of balance and understanding, but the more tests we ran, the more it became apparent that each anti-universe would be as heavy with war and famine as our own. As we surveyed the many possibilities, we found frequently, maddeningly, unforgivably, the opposite of silence was silence.
It’s so good! So good. I really mean it. Just go read that and then enjoy your weekend!
Sorry brain surgeons, the only hippocampus I’M interested in is the one at ANIMAL COLLEGE
— matt byrne (@matt__byrne) September 17, 2015
Oh my god you’re still reading, what is wrong with you? Fine, here’s Donald Trump nodding along to the idea that President Obama is a foreign Muslim and that it’s time to “get rid of them.” Are you happy now? Does the rage make you feel alive? Okay, it probably does, but that’s not necessarily a good thing.1 That debate was so terrible that the New York Times editorial board officially called it crazy talk. If all that isn’t enough for you, check out Teen Restoration Hardware.
A couple of relatively late Muppet tabs arrived, with Molly Fitzpatrick investigating Kermit’s obvious swine fever, and Rebecca Traister wishing we would all stop imagining “his felted member encased by hog flesh.” That incredibly vivid phrase is not helping her wish come true. Eater is doing “Future Week,” featuring particularly strong posts by Matt Buchanan on our artisanal post-flesh future and Matt Lubchansky and Jaya Saxena on our artisanal post-human-race future. In Vulture, Jesse David Fox wrote a very thoughtful tab about that comedian who lied about being in 9/11, but it’s saddled with such a bad title I skipped reading it several times, so I won’t tell you what it’s called, just read it. And if brevity is the soul of wit, the Grand Rapids Press and Kalamazoo Gazette editorial boards are the wittiest ever.
How many tweets make up a tweetstorm?
How many spoonfuls of mayonnaise make tuna salad a liquid?
How many drops make up a puddle?
— Alison Deadly (@bluishorange) September 17, 2015
Marco Arment pulled his ad-blocker app because “it doesn’t feel good” (to make John Gruber mad, presumably). Meanwhile in the San Francisco-est possible story: “SF Couple Leaves for Burning Man and Their Hired Housesitter Airbnb’s Their Apartment.” The offending `sitter also moved their life-sized cardboard Niall Horan to the garage. I’m on the fence about what the biggest outrage is here.
TSA hacked, indifferent. Inside the mermaid economy. Farhadlibs. Sexy Pluto. WebGLStudio.js is an in-browser 3-D development platform. BuzzFeed’s humble beginnings (remember: everything is a hoax). And SMOOTHCon 2016 (“Risks and challenges: Not making it real.”)
Today’s Song: Santana feat. Rob Thomas, “Smooth“
~I could change my tabs to better suit your mood, Because you’re so smooth~
And it’s just like Fast Company, under the moon. Oh, it’s the same as the emotion that I get from you. You get the kind of email that can be so smooth, yeah, give me your tabs, make it real, or else forget about it.
1. It’s fine, don’t worry about it.