If we all had a nickel for every time a parent asked if we could please tuck in our shirt, and maybe pull up our pants, there would be a lot more millionaires among us. Now, Fruit of the Loom is using some dubious science to make a pitch for its Stay-Tucked Crew undershirt.
The study, by agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky, surveyed 1,000 guys age 25 to 60 about the quality of their lives in relation to five fundamentals: happiness, optimism, social status, income, and relationships. The results found that more than 60% of tuckers report being happier on the job, they’re 10% more likely to report being socially outgoing, 22% more likely to say they’re optimistic about the future, they report 19% higher income than non-tuckers, and are 8% more likely to report they date often.
This, of course, is what we call a hilariously skewed study. Like, say, if we polled 500 NHL players and used those findings to declare you had a 92% better chance of making the playoffs if you grew a beard. But hey, this is advertising, not anthropology. It’s also worth noting that this is an ad for an undershirt, because anyone who tucks in a regular t-shirt is inherently suspicious. It’s like tucking in a sweater. Which is like punching a puppy.
The brand posted its findings on a dedicated site called the Tuck Effect that also offers a history lesson on tucking, among other things, that Fruit of the Loom undoubtedly hopes will provide a more convincing argument to shove that shirt inside your pants than, say, your father yelling as you walk out the door, “CASUAL FRIDAYS ARE FOR LOSERS, KEVIN!”