Today in Tabs: Lol Nothing Mathers

“This Couple Quit Their Jobs To Travel And Now Scrub Toilets To Get By” is a delightful thing to imagine, and you should stop reading and just enjoy it because the actual post is a couple of Inanestagrammers complaining about having to work at all, ever. But is that more or less insufferable than billionaire nerd Markus Persson complaining about being a billionaire? Or a dismissal of Terry Pratchett’s entire life’s work that begins: “I have never read a single one of [Pratchett’s] books and I never plan to”? Even The Guardian admitted this was a terrible garbage opinion. And what about this laborious cultural history of gefilte fish that could be, and eventually is, better expressed by part of one tweet? Or this laborious explication of a 4chan thread that could be better expressed by literally never mentioning 4chan ever? In conclusion: all ground beef is full of poop.

reading these tabs like

The VMAs are over and Rawiya Kameir best expressed the consensus Take: “it has felt like deep dread and immediate regret.” Kanye was the only one to do anything worthwhile, and you may (wrongly) call him arrogant but before you dismiss his intention to run for President, try to remember the last time Kanye said he would do something and then didn’t do it. Meanwhile, here’s the inevitable Ready For Kanye PAC. On the bright side, maybe Miley Cyrus is over now?

In the New Yorker this week, Stacy Schiff gets down to the heart of the Mather, goes in search of what was the Mather with colonial Massachusetts, and as a Mather of fact Cottons on to a noticeable Increase in interest about The Witches of Salem. To the 50% of you who have unsubscribed by now: I don’t blame you. To the rest: it’s a really great story, go read it.

Also good: the most recent episode of Reply All is the best one yet (and has almost nothing to do with the internet). Kyle Chayka’s Uniqlo review slash Murakami fanfic in Maxim: “I can see myself wearing the parka while undertaking a photography trip in the forest during which I accidentally find my long-lost cat, but it doesn’t remember me.” Carly Mark interviewed Lisa Frank at length, and if you’re not helplessly fascinated by Lisa Frank I don’t know what I can do for you. Kwame Opam reviewed the octopus for The Verge (score: 9.0, because the octopus is good as heck). And if all that isn’t enough, just watch this wiener dog run around a baseball field for the rest of the day:

Dogs die young because they use up all their joy too quickly

Followup: It turns out Ashley Madison may have been the world’s best lesbian hookup site?

Today’s Song: Parquet Courts / Parkay Quarts, “Content Nausea” How have I not known about this song until today? Thanks Ryan Bateman!

~But my will gets weak, and my tabs seem to scatter~

Today in Tabs is a daily summary of what really Mathers on the `net. We’re brought to you by Fast Company, by email, and occasionally by pizza.