After decades of cross-promotion involving famous athletes on the front of its cereal box, Wheaties–a food product whose ingredients list has long featured sugar, corn syrup, and of course cleaning agent trisodium phosphate–has successfully marketed itself as a health food. It’s the Breakfast of Champions, and if you want to achieve like Lou Gehrig (the first athlete to appear on the box), Michael Jordan (the athlete with the most Wheaties boxes to his name), or Mary Lou Retton (perhaps the most famous box in Wheaties history), you’d Better Eat Your Wheaties. But General Mills has opted to throw at least some of that “health food” image out the window with the introduction of Hefe-Wheaties, a craft beer from the brand.
Hefeweizens are wheat beers, which makes the synergy too good to pass up–Wheaties + wheat beer = duh–and it’s not as though a passion for heavy drinking and being a star athlete are incompatible. While hard-partying New England Patriots superstar Rob Gronkowski has never been featured on a Wheaties cereal box (he markets his own Gronk Flakes instead!), he’d be a fine cover model for the Hefe-Wheaties 12-pack packaging. (If he’s unavailable, might we recommend Johnny Manziel?) Indeed, the list of potential athletes who’d fit right in on a box of Wheaties-brand beer is almost as long as the list of Wheaties cereal box cover athletes–from former Broncos/Bills starter Kyle Orton to two-time Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning to Olympic swimming champion Ryan Lochte, the roster of drunk athletes leaves Hefe-Wheaties with a pretty deep bench.