• 07.30.15

Watch A Supercut Of Every Deep Philosophical Musing From True Detective Season 2

You can’t throw a birdmask in True Detective-land without hitting metaphysical mumbo jumbo. Here are the most ponderous lines from season 2.

It’s hard to remember now, but the success of the first season of True Detective wasn’t telegraphed in advance. The cast of HBO’s southern gothic crime procedural was certainly intriguing, but so was the cast of HBO’s The Brink and, well, the less said about HBO’s The Brink the better. One of the many surprise pleasures of True Detective was the wealth of conversation-halting nihilist philosophy Matthew McConaughey’s Rust Cohle liked to chew on. His highly meme-able musings ranged from deep, dark and worrisome to hilariously overwritten nuggets of ponderous pap. Few fans of the first season imagined that the latter brand of dialogue would be one of the only elements of consistency in the terminally tumultuous season two.


Although the first series was indeed widely adored during its run, when True Detective ended, the show left behind a thinkpieceheavy aftertaste that curdled further over time. Many viewers came to the second season this summer with knives out, Detective Ani Bezzerides-style. By the time the sixth episode aired last Sunday, even staunch apologists–ahem, Co.Create, ahem–had to concede that the show had become an impenetrable Gordian knot of storylines more congested than the Santa Monica Freeway. (What secrets do you hold, Stan? Also: who were you, even?) As hard as it is for viewers to decipher the meaning of what’s onscreen this season, the characters reflect our struggle by wrestling with the meaning of everything.

Every single character seems to spout Rust Cohle-style monologues, but completely devoid of their chaotic agnostic poetry. Instead, the dialogue this season contains a plethora of bloviating that could only possibly be rejoindered by a Keanu Reeves whoa. (Sidenote: Keanu Reeves for #TrueDetectiveSeason3, please.) So much is said with the intention to really make you think, but instead all this cosmically obnoxious word-vomit really makes you think about watching a different, better show instead.

With two episodes left, there’s still time for Nic Pizzolatto and his cast to turn it all around. Maybe. In the meantime, watch a supercut of all the lines from True Detective’s second season that blew Co.Create’s mind—and let us know in the comments below which ones we might have missed.