In the era of America’s political culture war, putting unhealthy food in school lunches isn’t just a matter of cutting some budgetary corners–the fact that First Lady Michelle Obama made childhood obesity a personal campaign means that in states like Texas, the inalienable right to feed schoolchildren garbage became a popular cause among politicians looking to score points. So while it would be nice to say something like, “We can all agree that children should eat healthy foods,” apparently children eat deep fried crap for freedom.
Embracing absurd freedoms is a concept that Nick Offerman is familiar with after six years of playing libertarian icon Ron Swanson on Parks & Recreation, and in this new spot from Funny Or Die, he explains where the terrible food that kids eat for lunch at school really comes from: Namely, his pizza farm. Starring as “food expert” Daniel Frances, Offerman deploys his deadpan sense of self-assuredness and talent for a withering look of disdain as he tours the pizza farm–showing kids where their taquitos are grown, how the nutritious cola that waters the sloppy joe patches help them grow extra healthy (apparently it’s what plants/sloppy joes crave), and the best way to affix fish fingers to a tree with a staple gun.
While we’re inclined to believe anything delivered in Offerman’s manly tones, there is, of course, no pizza farm, and pizza isn’t healthier than apples. The spot is a message, created on behalf of the American Heart Association, about keeping school meal standards set by the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010, in place. And it’s almost as funny as the idea that ketchup is a vegetable.