Please do not check the Wu-Tang secret into your public Github.
— Ĵ●ϟӇ ☃ (@xomputer) July 8, 2015
So what happened yesterday? Molly Crabapple filed a dramatic dispatch from a Lower Manhattan in chaos, but then in Bloomberg View, Matt Levine said that there are like 100 stock markets and the NYSE doesn’t even matter anymore. Felix Salmon was like “nah it’s cool just pour another brosé,” but Zeynep Tufekci pointed out that the problem isn’t terror attacks but the stacks of crap running our critical infrastructure. We have met the cyberterrorists, and they is us. And hey look, security library OpenSSL has yet another emergency patch out today! But what if the hackers just started deleting capitalism?
Logitech changed its name to… “Loogi” I guess? Nick Bilton wrote a whole book about Twitter but still doesn’t have anything interesting to say about it. Ben Huh is leaving Cheezburger, Inc., which is pretty shocking because who knew there was still a Cheezburger, Inc.? Anyway he says his plans for the future include “being rich” and “staying really rich lol.” David Britton investigated the gritty, ugly world of pizza crimes, and what he saw… well maybe some stones are best left unturned. No one wants an Apple Watch or a Windows phone, but copies of the Bloomberg What Is Code issue are going for $70 on eBay. And Hacking Team is probably worse than anyone thought they were, somehow.
Today in Gingers: Josh Dzieza profiled The Awl for The Verge and the gingers’ sizzling awlffice glances left awl of Twitter on the verge of a meltdown. It’s a great profile though, go read it right away if you haven’t yet.
Ok, FINE ugh.
Ariana Grande, whose name means “large spider” in Spanish and “medium spider” in Starbucks, licked some donuts that did not belong to her and disparaged America while waiting for help from “a doughnut professional.” She later issued a statement via Twitter screenshot that had a lot of words in it. I am not about to read them all, but she said she loved her county and something about obesity. Is that what you wanted? Are you happy now? We deserve this world, you and I, and don’t you ever pretend otherwise. Oh, also: Minion porn.
WAIT are the minions just Simpsons sperm?
— Imperator Areola (@ArielDumas) July 9, 2015
Today’s Song: B. Dolan’s new album “Kill The Wolf” is streaming now and out tomorrow.
~We need to do more to educate ourselves and our children about the dangers of tabs and the poison that we put into our bodies.~
Today in Tabs knows you scrolled down here to read this first, Mariko. You may be reading the email or perhaps you’re on Fast Company but either way you’re not fooling anyone. Go back and read the rest of it now, go on.