Beware false prophets. In a time when even the straight-shooting likes of Dr. Oz are under heavy scrutiny, it’s tough to know where to turn for actionable information on how to be. Thankfully, there’s a new book for those of us who seek deep truths about ourselves from well-compensated others, and it comes from two great men who have ascended on a platform of trust over the years: Tim & Eric.
That’s right, Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim have written their first self-help book, Tim & Eric’s Zone Theory: 7 Steps To Achieve A Perfect Life. The duo has taken everything they’ve learned from years of creating wholly original television projects, and put it toward making a whole new you. It’s a promise that many others have made before–from Rachael Ray to the Church of Scientology–and it comes from a source that’s at least as reliable as either of those two.
But what, specifically, can Zone Theory do for you? Co.Create was a bit skeptical, so we went to the source and asked Tim & Eric how we might use their book to master our lives–and whether the process might involve completely disassociating with the non-Zoners in our family tree. The answers may surprise you.
Here are five areas of your life in which you can apply Zone Theory to master your destiny.
Tim Heidecker: Zone Theory simplifies your diet and refines your daily food intake to eating nothing but basic white foods. it’s more pure, healthier, and removes time-consuming choosing. Living the Zone Theory diet will have you losing several hundred pounds in days.
Eric Wareheim: Zone Theory provides and exceptional fitness strategy that literally will change the shape, size, and functionality of not only your body, but your brain as well. We’ve seen radical changes in Zone body types; often improvements to basic body structure… Incredible stuff!
Heidecker: There are many activities we approve of in the Zone Theory book but the one that we strongly recommend is ‘Nude, Masked Horseplay.” It’s the quickest, most effective way to break down the walls that separate us and it’s also fun and very healthy.
Wareheim: Zone Theory provides exceptional investment opportunities in real estate, franchise schemes and rare minerals–the further you go along with the Zone Theory system the more money you WILL make. That’s just how it works.
Heidecker: Your father has created nothing but trouble for you. He is a discard and a bio. If you want to create the easiest path towards Zone plane eight you will divorce your father and align with a zone father (note: zone fatherhood is still in beta stage and has its own set of problemos).