another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
— wint (@dril) February 20, 2012
Bree Newsome took down the Confederate flag at the South Carolina capitol on Saturday. It was back up in time for these idiots to model for the “what were they thinking?” sidebar in future American history textbooks, but Adam Anderson’s picture of Newsome at the top of the pole will be the moment everyone remembers the flag coming down for good. The weekend’s other flag related news was CNN’s breathless report that it spotted an ISIS flag at London’s Pride parade. The flag, the report, and CNN all turned out to be a bunch of dildos. Meanwhile, black churches are burning again, but CNN does not appear to have noticed yet.
The Supreme Court tabs are in! Scalia is a bad writer (says a lawyer on Gawker) and a homophobe (says Barney Frank). Choire pointed out that Justice Roberts’s argument about “traditional marriage” is a bunch of dildos, which I’d say also applies to Justice Thomas’s claim that slaves were not denied their dignity by being enslaved. Bobby Jindal (whose new campaign slogan is, I’m not kidding, “Tanned, Rested and Ready,” just like Nixon in ’88) proposed we get rid of the Supreme Court entirely. Mississippi might just get rid of marriage, and Rand Paul thinks the whole U.S. government should abandon it. Red State is incensed that gay marriages are now given stronger legal protection than “real marriages,” which is to say: incestuous marriages (see the footnote), and Freddie DeBoer is ready to legalize polygamy now (I’m not sure I disagree with him tbh). And finally, Borowitz swept the New Yorker dot com “Most Popular” list at last, so they’ve shut down the site. It was nice while it lasted. Fortunately Today in Tabs inspiration Caitlin Kelly managed a smooth exit to VICE sports.
Facebook’s new diversity report is out, and like most of the big Silicon Valley companies, it “has a lot of work to do,” and isn’t doing it. Facebook hired more than 1,200 new employees in 2013, of whom 7 were black. Not 7 percent—seven individuals. “We have a lot of work to do” is going to mean a lot more if the day ever comes that all of Facebook’s new black employees for the year can’t share an Uber to work. Also if it ever stops banning trans people for using their preferred names.
Today in Burns: Bob Costas burned Pedro Strop’s entire deceased ancestry (but later apologized), the whole world burned Ann Coulter by not caring what she says anymore, SpaceX burned Elon Musk (and a lot of ISS supplies) on his birthday, and Kara Swisher burned Dylan Byers so badly he may never recover:
@DylanByers remember when you were a reporter? No, me either.
— Kara Swisher (@karaswisher) June 26, 2015
It’s intern Romy’s last week, and, perhaps inspired by Bree Newsome, she’s thinking about women getting things done.
I don’t know about you but I just finished season 3 of Orphan Black and I’m feeling kind of desol8. Maybe I’ll try this “UnReal.”
Today’s Last Word:
If Rand Paul had just filmed himself screaming into a toilet then posted the vid to Time it would’ve been a smarter take
— Elizabeth S. Bruenig (@ebruenig) June 29, 2015
~Away with him! and make a fire straight; / And with our swords, upon a pile of wood, / Let’s hew his tabs till they be clean consumed.~