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Today in Tabs: Murders & Acquisitions

This isn’t even late capitalism’s final form.

Today in Tabs: Murders & Acquisitions
[Photo: Flickr user timlewisnm]

Yesterday was a long day on media-acquisition Twitter but I think we can do it in one paragraph. Ready? Ok: Charter Communications acquired Time-Warner Cable for lol billion dollars. It’s hard to see how Time-Warner could get any worse, but hackers responded positively to the potential expansion of Charter’s vulnerable customer base while admitting they were still busy sorting through the personal info of 100,000 US taxpayers they just acquired from the IRS. Vox acquired Re/Code and the deal was explainered, giffed, conferenced, and Timesed but ultimately may only amount to Comcast acquiring itself. Buzzfeed tech acquired tech journalism’s most-frequently-poached player Nitasha Tiku, among others. Mat Honan also acquired a laser drone lab for spying on humanity’s mortal enemies, the crows. Racked acquired former Wadhwa-botherer Meredith Haggerty. Ex-Buzzfeeder Kate Nocera acquired that sick PR money. The FBI acquired several corrupt FIFA officials and is currently holding them without Gatorade or orange slices. And finally, the remains of one of the first dotcom boom’s buzziest and most inflated tech IPOs was acquired by a t-shirt kiosk at the mall.

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Fish-faced idiot and motel advertising circular employee Michael Wolff is usually not worth paying any attention to, so when he used his column to lubricate the perineum of one of his wealthy patrons on Monday, I ignored it. But Pareene responding to a Wolff column is always a solid bet. Speaking of which, Wolff took the Vox/Recode deal as an opportunity to remind us that everything he predicted for the last 18 months of online media was wrong.


Meanwhile, on fivethirtyeight

Cyber Dust still exists I guess? “I disagree with the bad candidates’ worldviews.” Big feature on Stewart in this month’s CANADIAN BOSS Magazine which is a real thing that exists in print. Neal Stephenson’s new novel Sevenses was apparently inspired by The Awl’s “The Fucking Moon” tag, so it’s strange that he ends it by saving humanity. Plant geneticists roll 16 to evade CLAVATA and cast WUSCHEL with +3 charisma, creating enormous fruit and feeding the whole party for the next four turns.

I may not be CANADIAN BOSS but I sure boss one hell of a Canadian intern! Karen, what’s going on in the slightly-less-frozen North?

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by KAREN HO

For decades now, there has been a fashion war every spring. I’m not talking about a war on catwalks, between models or fashion designers, or even the fight to get companies to recognize how many women would like a good-looking swimsuit available in sizes beyond 12 or 14. I’m talking about teen girls and school dress codes. Whether it’s spaghetti straps, short skirts, low-cut tops, ripped jeans, or this year’s hot item, the crop top, schools across Canada are giving young women detentions, suspensions and even sending them home for clothing they deemed “inappropriate” and a “sexual distraction.”

“We’re trying to teach them how to be ready for life when they graduate high school, be it university or perhaps a job,” Suanne Stein Day, of the Lester B. Pearson School Board told CTV News.

At the Ottawa Citizen, Alheli Picazo summarizes how this kind of thinking unfairly punishes young women and puts the onus of responsibility on them for how male students might act. Picazo bluntly points out that all of this is an example of rape-culture. One principal literally told his students to “dress cool, not skanky.”

This is an issue that affects young women in schools around the world, not just Canada. And Picazo acknowledges the prospect of eventually holding men and women to equal standards can feel like a daunting task. But she highlights one way this can be done: “Much progress can be made by making clear these two simple truths: There is more to a man than his sexual desire; more to a woman than a moment’s attire.”

That’s a catchy anti-rape-culture rhyme, and crop tops look bad on everyone, just my thoughts.

Today in Trailers: Jason Siegel as literary dadbod pioneer David Foster Wallace in “The End of the Tour

Not-Keanu Reeves and not-Patrick Swayze in what will be a ridiculous remake of ridiculous action-sports-crime classic “Point Break

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Today’s Song: No Age, “Depletion

~I remember Rochelle ain’t wanna tab me with the polo, Ay bitch you missed out, hashtag #FOMO~

We survived it! The sailing season starts today! Pray 4 wind and read Today in Tabs on Fast Company and/or your email client of choice.

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