Congrats to congrats Twitter for congratulating us on our first day at @CongratsJourno!
— Congrats Journo (@CongratsJourno) May 27, 2015
Yesterday was a long day on media-acquisition Twitter but I think we can do it in one paragraph. Ready? Ok: Charter Communications acquired Time-Warner Cable for lol billion dollars. It’s hard to see how Time-Warner could get any worse, but hackers responded positively to the potential expansion of Charter’s vulnerable customer base while admitting they were still busy sorting through the personal info of 100,000 US taxpayers they just acquired from the IRS. Vox acquired Re/Code and the deal was explainered, giffed, conferenced, and Timesed but ultimately may only amount to Comcast acquiring itself. Buzzfeed tech acquired tech journalism’s most-frequently-poached player Nitasha Tiku, among others. Mat Honan also acquired a laser drone lab for spying on humanity’s mortal enemies, the crows. Racked acquired former Wadhwa-botherer Meredith Haggerty. Ex-Buzzfeeder Kate Nocera acquired that sick PR money. The FBI acquired several corrupt FIFA officials and is currently holding them without Gatorade or orange slices. And finally, the remains of one of the first dotcom boom’s buzziest and most inflated tech IPOs was acquired by a t-shirt kiosk at the mall.
（・0・）looks at Twitter
— Sarah N. Emerson (@SarahNEmerson) May 26, 2015
Fish-faced idiot and motel advertising circular employee Michael Wolff is usually not worth paying any attention to, so when he used his column to lubricate the perineum of one of his wealthy patrons on Monday, I ignored it. But Pareene responding to a Wolff column is always a solid bet. Speaking of which, Wolff took the Vox/Recode deal as an opportunity to remind us that everything he predicted for the last 18 months of online media was wrong.
Meanwhile, on fivethirtyeight…
Cyber Dust still exists I guess? “I disagree with the bad candidates’ worldviews.” Big feature on Stewart in this month’s CANADIAN BOSS Magazine which is a real thing that exists in print. Neal Stephenson’s new novel Sevenses was apparently inspired by The Awl’s “The Fucking Moon” tag, so it’s strange that he ends it by saving humanity. Plant geneticists roll 16 to evade CLAVATA and cast WUSCHEL with +3 charisma, creating enormous fruit and feeding the whole party for the next four turns.
I may not be CANADIAN BOSS but I sure boss one hell of a Canadian intern! Karen, what’s going on in the slightly-less-frozen North?
That’s a catchy anti-rape-culture rhyme, and crop tops look bad on everyone, just my thoughts.
Today in Trailers: Jason Siegel as literary dadbod pioneer David Foster Wallace in “The End of the Tour“
Not-Keanu Reeves and not-Patrick Swayze in what will be a ridiculous remake of ridiculous action-sports-crime classic “Point Break“
Today’s Song: No Age, “Depletion“
~I remember Rochelle ain’t wanna tab me with the polo, Ay bitch you missed out, hashtag #FOMO~