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Today in Tabs: All The News That’s Nonsense

Baja is part of Mexico, not the United States. See?

Today in Tabs: All The News That’s Nonsense
[Photos: Flickr users Charl Pantaleon, Ralph Arvesen, Wikimedia Commons]

Today is nonsense. Did North Korea launch a missile from a submarine? No! Does North Korea even have a submarine? Supposedly. Did a security researcher make an airplane climb by hacking the in-flight entertainment system? It is extremely doubtful! Would you connect the seatback TV screens to the flight control computers? Of course not! That would be the stupidest imaginable thing to do. The Skrillex Android phone case is, to all appearances, a real thing. But it is also definitely nonsense. Twitter’s paid trolling platform? Two words: Non. Sense. Remember how Uber was going to partner with Carnegie-Mellon’s robotics department? Nonsense, as “partner with” turned out to mean “completely gut.” And finally, Startup Castle? Everybody knew that was nonsense right? Kevin Roose got some details on exactly how crazy it is.

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Hey remember when The New Republic was bad for a hundred years? Well every publication needs a little time to hit its stride, and with the June issue, TNR seems to have finally done that. Elizabeth Stoker Bruenig checks in with Suey Park, and you’ll never believe whether the internet has stopped harassing her for speaking her mind. Nathan Schneider revisits the joys my generation used to experience trying to escape Microsoft products, and (afaik?) invents the terrific term “Slow Computing. And Jeet Heer tells us what trigger warnings and safe spaces actually are, looking at their roots in the politics and psychology of PTSD. Am I biased because Tabs Senior Contributing Editor Bijan Stephen works there now? Yes I am. But full disclosure: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Update: …Baja is part of Mexico, not the United States” is maximum Chait. Bojack Horseman returns July 17th, and IRL Club returns June 15th (w/stellar lineup and amazing website). “The opposite of science isn’t girl.” Everyone was shocked by the end of the last Game of Thrones except Sady Doyle who wrote this waaaaaay back in 2011. Letterman ended. DFW’s first published story was the one about the Letterman appearance. Rebecca Greenfield wrote what might be the first good critique of the potential downsides of Slack. And there’s a new Wilderness Collective video! If you don’t know, W.C. is a thing where dudes pay a lot of money to dress up in little matching outfits and ride catered motorcycles and cater-camp together and have a man-sperience that is “out in nature” but also “fully catered so you know you’re not a pleb,” and then they make an inspirational video of it to prove they did one real thing in their douchey lives (which, in fact, they didn’t).

Today’s Tabs features not one but two full David Foster Wallace stories, and you will quickly guess what the second one is when you start reading:

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by KAREN HO

Cruises have become a tourism industry juggernaut, generating billions in revenue each year and prompting Royal Caribbean to add ever more ridiculous features like bumper cars and indoor skydiving. Once the preserve of a small travel elite and associated with disasters like the Titanic and the Lusitania, cruises are now a vacation option for the masses, and associated with disasters like the Costa Concordia and the poop ship.

Some people really hate them. I personally have gone on ten, all of them family vacations, many of them involving side trips to another tourism behemoth. Cruises are great for seeing a lot of places in an incredibly short of amount of time, eating your own weight in shrimp at fancy restaurants and spending a lot of time near a hot tub, all for relatively little money. But my family was always aware our “luxury experience” was only possible due to the incredibly hard work of hundreds of people who earned very little and so on many trips we’d guiltily tip much more than the recommended amount.

ProPublica has just released a great, thorough report on everything that can go wrong on a cruise ship. Separated into location-specific sections, with great links and clear labeling of specific cases, Lena Groeger goes into wonderful detail about all the health and safety data points potential cruise ship passengers should be aware of, including the staggeringly high number of drownings, sexual assaults, and passengers who fall overboard each year.

It’ll make you think twice before you consider a “bon voyage”.

That tab gave me Legionnaires’ disease.

Today’s #Longread: Eva Holland in SBNation, Unclimbable

Today’s Song: Ladies and gentlemen, your summer jam: Jamie xx ft. Young Thug & Popcaan, “I Know There’s Gonna Be (Good Times)

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~closed tabs will not be fed~

Happy Tabs Friday! Remember, tomorrow does not count and Monday is a holiday. Today in Tabs will be back on Fast Company and in email Tuesday, post-Memorializing. Till then: watch the skies, everywhere! Keep looking. Keep watching the skies!

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