[I’m traveling this week, so your first guest tabber is Bijan Stephen. Bijan was the first Tabs intern, and is currently a Tabs Senior Contributing Editor. He also works at some magazine. —Rusty]
teen internet slang:
wffdm – will fuck for dank memes
impj – it me papa john
bd9 – bush did 9/11
mrbttb – migos are better than the beatles
— L.A.S (@SartoriallyInc) May 8, 2015
I’ve missed you. I was reading over my old tabs the other day (collected online at FastCompany, your inboxes, & in your hearts), and I thought it was about time I dropped in to say hi. Happily, Rusty was already planning to Shirk His Duty and travel through time and space to The Big Apple. As I always say: For Tab Daddy so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Senior Contributing Editor, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting Tabs. (Cool fact: That’s in the Tabs charter.)
Anyway, to the News!
— Hudson Hongo (@hudsonhongo) May 12, 2015
News 2: There is only a single direction. Wanna know something sweet? According to Breaking Bad’s Uncertainty Principle, you can never know the velocity AND position of a 1D member (because if you could they’d be crushed under a swarm of teenage bodies/hormones).
News 3: Racism? Some NYC landlords are still cool with it. Sick.
News 4: Ta-Nehisi to write an HBO miniseries on America in the MLK years with some other dudes. Lede buried as heck here.
Woah/whoa!!!!! That’s a lot of News. Let’s have a look at some of the Other Stuff that happened recently.
Everything You Need To Know About Burns, In One Tweet: Come at Jazmine incorrectly? K. Burn of the century coming right up.
— choire (@Choire) May 12, 2015
(screenshot 4 context via Choire, but go on with yr bad self and fav the ~clapback~ itself)
Do you know what time it is now? INTERN TIME!!!!!! Karen, whatchu got.
Karen, this is Actually Good. I will never own an intern. Never. Put that on your life.
James Spader was built by a loving God for the sole purpose of getting pegged by a gently determined Molly Ringwald @arabellesicardi
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) May 12, 2015
last night i dreamt that i was showing DJ Khaled how to pick out the perfect avocado at the grocery store and i woke up and cried
— rachel pattycake (@racheltacobell) April 30, 2015
Today’s inside joke: Greta
~now i am become rusty, the destroyer of tabs~
k. that’s it for me. play me out coach.