Ironically, the Reese’s employee who invented Nutrageous died in a terrible nutrage incident in 1998.
— Waldo Jaquith (@waldojaquith) May 7, 2015
Tad Friend profiled Egg in The New Yorker, and if you’re interested in tech, venture capital, or the roots of the upcoming second dotcom crash and ensuing proletarian revolution it’s worth a read. The buried lede, though, is that Andreessen’s wife is a literal space alien. She calls him “my beloved [earth man],” describes her fondness for “ask[ing] him questions about [earth] things I got curious about during the day,” and says “I find it incredibly sexy to see the encasement of a cerebrum.” I swear I did not fabricate any part of that last quote. The couple has three microwaves so neither of them need to wait for their warm nutrient broth. About a16z, we learn that if someone gives you a billion and a half dollars to invest, you have to be a bigger idiot than Marc Andreessen not to make a profit.
Read This: Sady Doyle nailed down everything that’s wrong with the current cycle of dumb Marvel Comics movies on Medium. The problem is not Joss Whedon or comic books themselves, the problem is that Marvel’s whole strategy makes it impossible to produce good stories.
— Irem Koker (@ikoker) May 7, 2015
Our Dumb Politics: Bloomberg wants to plunge deep into your ScrumZone with a “parody sports-style game show” about the 2016 election, aka Hillary vs the Clown Bus. Sy Hersh, famous for believing anything anyone tells him (some of which, to be fair, turns out to be true), wrote a 10,000 word anonymously-sourced story about how Osama bin Laden was really killed, for The London Review of Terrorist Assassinations. Is it true? Who knows! Just read the aggregated highlights and move on with your life, because this will never matter in any real way to any of us.
only a man would write 1,000 words bragging about his average body
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) May 11, 2015
The dadbod trend reached its predictable nadir with ironic faux-mansplaining that is, in fact, actual non-faux mansplaining. Also today in body horror. Did you know there’s still a line for cronuts every day? This weekend’s example of how a NYT profile can make anyone seem like an asshole, even someone who (by all accounts) genuinely isn’t one: Tim Gunn wears a suit, looks at art, has an Emmy in his kitchen. Dystopian Spanish company Grupo Sicnova replaced a flesh village with a tiny, plastic village and threatened wider deployment of its nightmarish Clonescan 3D machine if the nations of the world do not pay handsomely. Olivia Taters is in Twitter jail. Free Olivia! Hashtag #CanILiv?
Every time something awful happens in America (i.e. every time something happens America) I daydream briefly about escaping to Canada, where the citizens, the healthcare, and the ice cubes are all free and equal. Today intern Karen Ho crushes my Northern dreams:
Way to go Canada. Way to go.
Stupid Tech Tricks: Run Windows 95 in a browser
Today’s Song: A$AP Rocky feat. Rod Stewart x Miguel x Mark Ronson, “Everyday“
~”When I close a tab,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean–neither more nor less.”~
Today in Tabs has a full slate of guest-posters coming up the rest of this week, because I’ll be in NYC and I like taking time off. They will be on Fast Company and in your email, you need do nothing to ensure a continued flow of uninterrupted tabs. Offer void where prohibited.