Uber stays cheap by helping Uber riders relentlessly screw Uber drivers. That’s what Emily Guendelsberger learned when she tried to find out how much money you could actually earn as an UberX driver in Philly. Turns out you can easily make the much-touted $90k by driving 27 hours a day, 365 days a year, so good luck! Manicures in NYC stay cheap by relentlessly screwing desperately poor, often undocumented manicurists. That’s what Sarah Maslin Nir found in her impeccably reported NYT story on the booming manicure business, which is shocking even if you already sort of knew $10 was not a remotely plausible price for a manicure in New York. (Nir also did a good commentary track with VICE, if you’re a journalism nerd.) These are pure examples of what capitalism literally is: the extraction of maximum labor for minimum price from the weakest party in a transaction. If you object to the business practices in these stories, congratulations! You are anti-capitalist. Please spend and vote accordingly.
super impressed to learn how many of yall NEVER get manicures and when you do ALWAYS tip REALLY well
— Emily Gould (@EmilyGould) May 7, 2015
Meanwhile, there’s a new Hamburglar and he’s still making a living telling racist lies to people too ignorant and credulous to know better… no sorry, that’s right wing troll and felon Dinesh D’Souza. His Vanity Fair profile is the heartwarming story of one man’s lifelong search for a community so repugnant it would accept his awful views.
do you think he burgled different things before he found his niche like was he ever the clamburgular
— Burrito Charlie (@BurritoCharlie) May 7, 2015
There is a new Hamburglar though, as predicted by The Onion earlier this year. His new look appears to be “hot dad with a really stupid tie.” The internet immediately debated whether he could get it, which is surely what we were supposed to do. I guess time will tell whether social media buzz translates into increased sales of crappy fast food!
Ok that was probably enough time, so I’ll tell you: it won’t.
The Wall St. Journal found the hottest take: “David Goldberg’s Death Puts Spotlight on Risks of Treadmills.” In The Cut, Marin Cogan wrote about what happened to Penelope Trunk, if you’re interested in a “Behind The Garb” on that.
“Given enough bugs, all eyeballs are shallow.” — H.P. Lovecode
— Greg Knauss (@gknauss) May 7, 2015
The latest edition of Austrian magazine Vanguardist is printed with HIV positive blood. While I applaud the message of tolerance, I personally only read magazines printed in clean, tested blood, like The New Yorker. Russia is in the midst of a moral panic over twerking. Rick “The Frothy Mixture” Santorum is probably running for president again, because he cannot get enough of being rejected by voters. Vulture listicled a new book about Orson Welles’s last unfinished film. It’s all pretty amazing, but most amazing is that Welles “allegedly wound up editing a hard-core lesbian shower scene that he couldn’t resist cutting in Wellesian fashion with low camera angles and other trademark flair.” Selfies Praised. Ultron Dissed. Ping Ponged. Did NASA really invent a warp drive!? Of course not, everything is a hoax.
Intern Karen is thinking about her own space program!
Can U: Not?
~Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your tabs!~
Today in Tabs has a crush on you. I don’t want to make things weird between us, just, you know, take that info and sit with it. We’re on Fast Company and you can subscribe by email. Next week: guest tabbers! I can’t wait.