Tweet a little
block a little
tweet a little
block a little
tweet tweet tweet
block a lot
tweet a little more
— Kate Harding (@KateHarding) May 4, 2015
Today in Tabs started (and is still often described) as an overview of the day’s hate-reads, but I have moved away from that lately. You might almost think the `net as a whole has moved away from that, but you would be wrong! Here is a guy who would like to tell you about the very serious drawbacks of living at Chicago’s Trump Tower. “The gym is NOT open 24 hours,” for example, and “The carpet in the hallways is thick and plush, such that when you walk from the elevator, down the hallway to your unit, you are shocked from touching the metal door handle to enter your unit.” Obviously times are hard for everyone.
Or, hey, are you from A Broken Family? Well chances are you’re damaged beyond repair, but Sky Lacea has good news. You might also have some of the same positive human qualities as non-broken people! So you can add that to your OKCupid profile.
David Goldberg, Sheryl Sandberg’s husband, and the father of their two young children, collapsed while exercising on vacation and tragically died of head trauma. But before the details of his death were released, blog fameball and transparently unhappy person Penelope Trunk took the opportunity to speculate (with zero evidence) that he killed himself, and blamed his wife’s “Lean In” movement for his death. After details of Golberg’s death were clarified, she went full suicide Truther. (Previously in Penelope Trunk mining her own problems for clicks.)
Everyone’s so excited that the royal baby’s third name is “Diana” that no one seems to have noticed her first name is “Beyoncé.”
— Ron Currie Jr. (@rcurriejr) May 4, 2015
What about men on the internet? Are they terrible? Yes they are! A finance-tech CTO is obsessed with the rate of herpes in unmarried women and uses it to ask the inherently disgusting questions: “Are women in technology industry [sic] worth mentoring? Do their values disqualify them from the privilege of being mentored?” In The Federalist, Matthew Cochran argues that the real rape culture is women having sex at all: “A consent that may flit to and fro from moment to moment and which ought not be subject to any external influence or pressure is, for all practical purposes, indistinguishable from mere whim.” I could go on, but that’s probably enough to make my point, which is that the internet is still a pyroclastic trash volcano and we should all run away from it and jump into the ocean like this dog:
One way to determine how long you have lived in New York is how many sentences it takes you to realize that Benjamin Hart’s “Why I Left New York” essay in the Awl is satire. If, in fact, it is. Bee tee dubs of course you cannot rent a two bedroom cottage in Echo Park for $1250.
Jason “@textfiles” Scott told off Ben Smith in an Instagram comment thread and it was a beautiful thing. Serial’s greatest mystery has been solved. The Robot Alternate Universe Where Everyone Watches Friends Alone. Buy t-shirts from extinct startups. In what is ostensibly a review of some new “smart plate,” Liz Lopatto systematically demolished the idea that quantifying your food will do anything for your health. Today in paralyzing horror. Memes are weird sometimes. Joss Whedon left Twitter.
Hopefully Joss Whedon’s exit from Twitter will open people’s eyes to the serious harassment men face OnLine.
— Avery Edison (@aedison) May 4, 2015
You may have noticed that I didn’t mention the Met Gala at all. That’s because I don’t know what it is, but intern Karen Ho (who adorably signs her emails to me “Your intern, Karen”) has promised to explain it:
Today’s Song: all right fine, it’s Trap Queen, whatever.
~She my tab queen, just a thirsty rando~
Well I promised yesterday that things would be under control today and they are obviously not. I will keep trying until Fast Company stops letting me get away with this, or your email provider refuses to deliver it. If that happens, you can follow @rustyk5.