Among my friends, I’m so known for spilling on myself that when the inevitable occurs, and I wind up with fresh coffee or a cocktail on my shirt, everyone just laughs. But now that designers Mair/Wennel have invented the Dirt Pattern Material shirt, I’ll be the one having the last laugh.
The shirt’s pattern was devised to resemble a button-up after a particularly violent food fight: it’s covered in blotches that could be coffee, blood, and grass stains, among other questionable substances. Think of it as a kind of “urban camouflage.”
The best part of Dirt Pattern Material is that, in coming pre-stained, it’s virtually indestructible. Go on a bender and spill your whole drink on it? No problem. Bumpy commute with a full coffee? Great. Its “disruptive coloration allows for new stains to be incorporated, continuing the design process and evolving the pattern over time,” the designers write on their website.
You see, “friends,” this was my plan all along. I’m not clumsy, I’m just disrupting stains. The shirt is for sale. For details, contact Mair/Wennel at email@example.com.