In a way the most relevant of the Jacksons was Germane
— Gabriel Roth (@gabrielroth) April 30, 2015
There are reports that the Apple Watch wrist sensor might not work if you have a wrist tattoo. Quartz extended this to speculation that it also may not work properly for black people, but apparently were unable to obtain either an Apple Watch or a black person by press time. In The Message, Joanne McNeil suggests that the main problem with the Apple Watch is that it is a watch.
The Washington Post published an utterly ridiculous Baltimore police department trial balloon floating the absurd notion that Freddie Gray broke his own neck while in police custody. “Baltimore PD really must think we’re a bunch of prize idiots who will swallow any old pile of garbage,” wrote Rusty Foster just now, in this newsletter. “Christ, what a pack of assholes.”
Yes well it’s certainly much more plausible that he broke his OWN neck, probably trying to tear his head off and beat police with it
— Jess Zimmerman (@j_zimms) April 30, 2015
Racist History Fun-Fact Corner: The now-popular strategy of beating oneself to death while in police custody was pioneered by Steven Biko, in apartheid South Africa:
“..the injuries were self-inflicted with the aim of falsely accusing the police of brutality.” South Africa, 1977. pic.twitter.com/FqeilpVk5E
— Zeynep Tufekci (@zeynep) April 30, 2015
Ashleigh Banfield is “livid!” David Simon followed up “go home” with “end the drug war” in an interview that was not as long as The Wire but said all of the same things. Baseball! The crack of the bat! The clearly-audible self-conscious chatter between players! The dull clunk of a ball landing in an empty seat among thousands of other empty seats! America’s pastime!
Association is Free: A Casey Johnston two-fer: quantifying her tabs and “Boy, are you…” Today in Tumblr: “Drink From a Toilet, Ratbody” vs. “I’ve consumed every lizard I have ever encountered.” Knausgård on Mt. Rushmore: “I stared at the four faces, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Sheen, and Hulk Hogan, I am almost sure.” “Today in Tabs has the Simpsons trivia knowledge to be a mensch to teammates, but scouts say narrow teeth could be an issue.” Edgar Allen Poe’s hair plus the CRISPR gene-editing technique gives me an idea. I better check with a man about it though, I wouldn’t want to “drift… into ideologically biased assumptions.” It’s all true, I read it on nytimes dot cat. Meow tell me the first thing that comes to mind when I say: “Selfie arm.” “Farhad bidet.” “Moon drawings.” “Dadbod.” “Dadbod!” “DADBOD!!”
Intern News! I’m thrilled to report that May’s intern will be Canadian journalist Karen K. Ho. We will all get to know Karen quite a bit better in the next month, but for now let’s just enjoy our short remaining time with Avery Edison, who has promised to explain the upcoming British election somehow.
THANK YOU Avery! You’ve been a great intern and a lot of people told me how much they liked you, I just can’t recall specifically who exactly at this precise moment.
Today’s Toy: How old do you look to a robot?
~I only like it when it’s tabbed out~