ZIZEK: It is my undershtanding that the Mall is the main character. Ignore the Cop. He is immaterial. The Mall consumes him
— leon (@leyawn) April 24, 2015
The “Oregon Trail Generation” is as good a name as I’ve ever heard for my post-Gen-X but pre-Millennial age/social class cohort. We were “the first children to grow up figuring [technology] out,” argues Anna Garvey, so we experience a simultaneous attraction and loathing for technology, the way you feel when you hear there’s a new Tom Cruise Mission Impossible movie coming out. Let’s take a specific example: The Apple Watch. Business Insider’s fundamentally Millennial response is: “here are several boxes with a neat techno-watch inside them!” Meanwhile, my fellow Oregon Trailer Matt Haughey wrote an exhaustive but also self-critical (but also completely earnest) critique of this first-generation Watch’s failures and shortcomings while admitting that of course he’ll keep using it. We’re fundamentally conflicted, and always feel like we have to figure out the new thing. But I would like to propose that we should stop, because everything is a mess and we’ll never figure it out.
EVIDENCE: Business reporting via customer service chatbots. The rise of the emoji race thinkpiece. Revenge porn sans actual “porn” protested by sharing nudes. “What Was Satire?” chapter 264: the “Brogrammer” sticker. EDM Snapchat Spiderman, NBD. Did you even understand that sentence? I doubt it. But Snapchat just hired CNN political reporter Peter Hamby as “Head of News.” A Chinese human gene “editing” experiment “failed, in precisely the ways that had been feared.” (I.e.: Supervillans). People are somehow still using the CueCat??
Some big personal news, guys: I’m joining Snapchat as Head Of Nudes.
— Katie Notopoulos (@katienotopoulos) April 27, 2015
We don’t really have blogging anymore as a forum to try to figure things out. Heather Armstrong is just the latest in the steady drain of OG bloggers. Maybe everything keeps changing, but I’m going to suggest we should quit trying to figure it out. After all, everything has always changed fast and no one ever needed a bunch of self-conscious special-snowflake ninnies like us to figure it out before. Let’s try to live by Paul Ford’s posthumous cyber-thought-radio’s nanobots’s last words: “All. Data. Perfect.“
Read This Stuff: Is murder ever the reasonable result of a series of deliberate choices? “Have You Ever Thought About Killing Someone” by Rachel Monroe, in Matter. Alan White, Tom Phillips, and Craig Silverman investigated the agency behind a lot of our “too good to check” bullshit news stories for Buzzfeed. Anil Dash wrote about what it’s like to have an enormous number of Twitter followers but not be anyone special. Previously on unearned Twitter fame: Michele Catalano and Michele Catalano. Alexis Coe reporting from the douche-mines of San Francisco: “’Do you realize,’ he sneered, ‘that I could charter a helicopter right now, and we could be having dinner in Napa?’” We could be having dinner in a rolling doughnut! We could be having dinner on the moon!
— Adrianne Jeffries (@adrjeffries) April 27, 2015
May Intern applications are closed! Thank you all who applied, and if you haven’t gotten a transparently copy-pasted response from me yet then I haven’t seen your application so please make an enhanced effort to bring it to my attention.
I don’t know how much Avery’s Twitter feed overlaps with mine, but people in my timeline were pretty shocked and horrified that Jenner admitted to being a Republican. I mean, do whatever you want in your own home, but, like, gross.
Today in I’m Not Gonna Do All the Work For You: The new Joker
Today’s Song: Kanye West “Runaway” (IT REALLY HOLDS UP)
~I don’t know what it is with Gmail… but I’m not to good at that shit~
Today in Tabs is the moment you finally take your fancy shoes off after the big high school dance. Dance with Fast Company, if that’s that one that brung ya. Otherwise save the last dance for TinyLetter. And I know I did damage, ’cause the look in your tabs is killing me.