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Today in Tabs: Lemon Aid

The tweets of justice turn slowly, but grind exceeding(ly?) fine.

Today in Tabs: Lemon Aid
[Photos: Flickr users Neon Tommy, Kristin, epSos .de]

Amy Pascal was fired from Sony Pictures in February, after the massive email leak that made her look sort of mean and maybe a little racist, although not really all that bad by the standards of her industry. Wikileaks has now published a searchable archive of the emails, and Jezebel’s Natasha Vargas-Cooper, apparently unsatisfied with Pascal already being fired and disgraced, decided to make fun of her Amazon purchases too. Spoiler: Pascal has curly hair, dyes her pubes, and likes pancakes. The post is grotesque and almost unreadably mean-spirited, and in the comments, NVC veers between a manic pretense that she actually ADORES Amy Pascal!!!!!!! and that Pascal deserves whatever she gets because she’s rich and financed some bad movies. Even Gawker commenters were largely disinclined to cheer this apparently purposeless invasion of privacy and gendered shaming. To be fair to Jezebel, as editor Jia Tolentino pointed out, they publish a lot of stuff that isn’t reprehensible trash! I guess it’s just a matter of finding the right balance between drawing much-needed attention to womens’ suffering and causing it. I can’t wait till next week, when Vargas-Cooper makes fun of the contents of Anita Sarkeesian’s medicine cabinet!

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If you’re not totally charmed within the first two paragraphs of Taffy Brodesser-Akner’s GQ profile of CNN televised-word-sayer Don Lemon I don’t even know what you’re doing here. And maybe you’ll go in, like me, thinking that Lemon is both the living avatar of the worst aspects of CNN’s 24-hour-newslike-product and a total goober, and maybe you will (also like me) come out thinking much the same thing. But you will view Lemon’s essential gooberness in a more nuanced and informed way, which is the best thing a celebrity profile can hope to achieve.

Business Insider found someone who wears the same outfit to work every day, which is amazing unless you’re one of millions of low-paid retail workers, food-service workers, bathroom attendants, or just anyone who’s ever heard of a “uniform.” It’s weed week at Fast Company so (obviously) there’s a smell of marijuana in the air. Speaking of which, HBO just picked up the reputedly great “High Maintenance. Go ahead, try to tell me you haven’t looked for the Loch Ness monster on Google Street View while you were high. I don’t believe you. And finally, wrapping up yesterday’s stoned media output: “De Blasio’s hope… is a “Draft de Blasio’’ movement will develop among progressive activists over the next several months…” Lol pass it to the left side, NY Post.

Citing “safety concerns,” five out of Parma, Missouri’s six police officers resigned after the election of the town’s first black mayor, which has indeed made the town’s black residents 83% safer. Sarah Jeong analyzed the chances that the trials of corrupt USAO-Baltimore investigators Carl Mark Force and Shaun Bridges could overturn the conviction of Ross Ulbricht. I’m pretty psyched for the release of “Súper Pelo Púbico II: Australia.” Every Like is a hoax. The tweets of justice turn slowly, but grind exceeding fine.

Today, the intern brings us a personal tale of her experience with “polyphasic sleep,” a 2002 post about which was probably my former website’s most-referenced story. She does not, however, mention it at all, which I can’t help but applaud as a subtle and extremely skillful neg.

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by AVERY EDISON

Sleep! We all need to do it, except for me, because I am the latest in technology (almost mythology). Or, at least, I was one of many young idiots who thought so.

After I dropped out of university (for the first of three times) in 2007, I used my suddenly-empty days to experiment on myself. Inspired by a dumb Men’s Health article (a magazine I bought back when I was trying to be a guy) and a memorable section of The Game (a book I bought back when I was trying to be an asshole guy), I tried polyphasic sleep.

Six naps per day, twenty minutes each. It sounds impossible, because it is. Really, it doesn’t work. But I wasted six months of my life trying to adapt to a constant feeling of complete exhaustion. Subsisting on two hours of sleep per day wrecked me physically and mentally, and when I (eventually) threw in the towel it was an enormous relief.

In the years since, I’ve read a lot about sleep, so this hilarious Toast piece was practically tailor-made for me. Unlike polyphasic sleep, which is tailor-made for nobody. Do you hear me? Never try it.

Oh, and speaking of sleep, check out these dream gigs:

Polyphasic sleep was just Soylent without any obvious product marketing angle to prop it up. You heard it here first.

Today in Bots: Robots trading derivatives on Twitter rumors, what could go wrong?

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Today’s Song: De La Soul feat. Nas, “God It

~The tab is more than just a powerful potion~

Today in Tabs is the sensation of waking up in a completely dark room and not remembering whether you’re still a child or not. We’re on Fast Company and in your email, and will soon be projected daily on the surface of the moon with powerful lasers.

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