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Today in Tabs: Various Small Flames

O death, where is thy bling?

Today in Tabs: Various Small Flames
[Photos: Flickr user LWYang, Wikimedia Commons, babysallright]

Yesterday Twitter did that thing it does sometimes, where it had a bunch of dumb arguments and then provided a perfect visual metaphor for all of them. Let’s start with what someone (he knows who he is) called The Chartbeef and The Cuff Huff:

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The Chartbeef started when Vox posted a chart from a little-known Mexican food blog called 538, and the guy who runs 538 complained about it on Twitter. In a savagely disproportionate response, Ezra Klein wrote a blog post about aggregation that left thousands dead of boredom and a ruined media landscape reminiscent of the hellish no-mans’s-lands of The Great War, littered with abandoned browser tabs and readers desperate for celebrity gossip, weak Drake references, just anything to numb the pain. Media twitter made the obligatory jokes but inside we were all going “ugh,” and here I am literally aggregating the aggregations of this, so if you read Tabs to keep up with media nonsense I really hope you appreciate it today.

On to the Cuff Huff! Jean Louis Gassée, a French executive who helped Apple make garbage products everyone hated from 1981 to 1990 and whose name we are all ashamed to admit is hilarious, dropped what is, to be fair, a pretty solid burn on The Verge’s Nilay Patel about his signature spiked bracelet (which rumor has it was once licked by Dee Snider but I cannot confirm whether that’s true1). Unfortunately Nilay got really mad on Twitter instead of, for example, calmly pointing out that Gassée started the Apple Newton project (first class burn), that BeOS and Palm were both ultimately failures (business class burn), or that he appears to be named “Farty” (coach burn).

And finally, this Jon Ronson thing, which Cat Ferguson suggested I call “Ronsoon Season,” and like UGH but fine. Meredith Haggerty tweeted a pretty shame-worthy line from a galley of Ronson’s new book about internet shaming where he compares womens’ fears of being raped to mens’ fears of losing their jobs. Ronson agreed, so he had already cut the line from the published book, and so that cleared that up and everyone was glad to have come to such a swift mutual understanding! Ha ha ha ha no, of course not. Ronson was snippy and Haggerty was like “gfy”, everyone chose a side and another dumb internet fight happened, this time over something that everyone started off agreeing on, which is that the line in question was bad. The only bright spot is that Jacqui Shine just posted this very good critique of the “false equivalencies and muddy distinctions” that litter Ronson’s analysis.

And I promised you a picture, so here, via Gothamist, if you want a picture of the present, imagine a drunk taco skateboarding into a car… forever:

And now here’s Avery, for a palate-cleansing Intern tab sorbet:

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TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by AVERY EDISON

I was an asshole in high school. I was lazy (even more than I am now), annoying (even more than I am now), and convinced that I was a super-genius (even more than… Actually, on my bad days I might still be convinced of that). We all suck when we’re teenagers, but I was avoiding my increasingly-difficult gender identity issues by committing hard to being not just a dude, but a terrible dude.


It was actually the final issue, and thus the only one I’ve ever read 🙁

I don’t know how I had any friends. But one of them, Jenny, came back from a trip to America with a copy of Stay Free! magazine, and gave it to me, saying that it seemed like the weird (for small-town England) kind of thing I’d be into. I tore through the issue, and ever since it’s been a huge influence on how I approach writing, culture, and the world in general. No lie: this magazine helped knock Avery Edison loose from Kyle Hayes.

Looking back at the decade-old issue in question led me to this interview with some guy named Jonah Peretti. He was doing some really interesting work with figuring out what made stuff go viral on the Internet. I wonder what ever happened to him.

OMG! Jonah Peretti actually started Buzzfeed, and… oh ho ho ho you got me, you little scamp. You knew that all along didn’t you? Speaking of which: Arabelle Sicardi quit.

Today in Better Things: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻!! When I die please encrust my bones in jewels and trade illegally in me. Fusion’s Jorge Rivas won headlines for the week with “When it comes to gays, Marco Rubio is a ‘but’ man.” Darius wrote a long post about how @SortingBot creates poetry. The bacon, egg and cheese is a perfect food. The New York Times issues a “friendly challenge” to embrace https access! Bravo, I couldn’t agree more, you go first. The fifth issue of Hausfrau Magazine is out, and this one is online. If you ever need to hide your ass, here’s hidemyass.com. And finally… I don’t know what this is, but it’s called “Veryman.”

Today’s Music: The new Speedy Ortiz album “Foil Deer” is great.

~Untitled. Conceptually untabbable. UNRELEASED.~

Today in Tabs is a totally pointless six minute long fight scene in an otherwise engaging science fiction movie. Fast Company takes the blame for us on the www. TinyLetter sends us to your gmail “Promotions” tab. Until tomorrow, I’ll be in the slice of the Venn diagram where “God damn it, you’ve got to be kind” overlaps with “All things in moderation.”

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1. It’s totally true.

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