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Seven Hells, You’re Screwed: Find Out What You’d Be Doing If You Lived In Westeros

With the new season of Game of Thrones less than two weeks away, we’re looking for any reason to revisit Westeros.

Seven Hells, You’re Screwed: Find Out What You’d Be Doing If You Lived In Westeros

Game of Thrones season 5 premieres on HBO on April 12, which means anticipation is reaching a frothing fever pitch. And while the superbleak world of Westeros wouldn’t be most people who can afford HBO’s first choice for a world they’d rather live in than our own, the question of how social class in our own world relates to social class in Game of Thrones is one worth exploring.

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There are presumably sociologists and economists who have taxed neurons into the night crafting peer-reviewed papers on that very subject, but also: This is the Internet. Here is a two-button quiz.


The “How Well-Off Would You Be in Westeros” quiz comes via U.K. coupon website Vouchercloud, and as quizzes go, it’s pretty minimalist: You find your income bracket and your age, and you find out what sort of life would be waiting for you in the Seven Kingdoms. The results can be depressing (an unemployed woman is a “street urchin”? Not doing much to combat the show’s charges of sexism there . . .) or–well, still depressing, if you’re familiar with the show. The life of a smallfolk like Hodor (a man who makes between £0 and £14,000 a year) sounds pretty depressing, but the life of a lady like Olenna Redwyne (a woman who makes between £40 and £99,000) frankly isn’t all that much better. Even when you tip the scales at £100,000 or above, you’re just a king or a queen, and that hasn’t worked out so great for most of the people on Game of Thrones who’ve held those roles. Meanwhile, the sweet spot seems to be someone like Bronn or Missandei (someone in the £15–£19,000 range) or perhaps a landed knight like Ser Davos or Brienne of Tarth (£20–£24,000), where you get to lead a life of adventure. Odds are you still end up slaughtered on a hill somewhere, of course, but it seems that even in Westeros, mo’ money equals mo’ problems.

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About the author

Dan Solomon lives in Austin with his wife and his dog. He's written about music for MTV and Spin, sports for Sports Illustrated, and pop culture for Vulture and the AV Club

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