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Today in Tabs: Facebook Presents Your Year in Tragedy

If there’s no pizza, don’t even invite me to your wedding.

Today in Tabs: Facebook Presents Your Year in Tragedy
[Photos: Flickr users Maria Elena, Antana, e-Magine Art]

Silk Road–the darknet site that blended techno-libertarianism, unexpected pathos, drugs, and that sweet elixir of larceny Bitcoin into what has already been one of recent history’s most entertaining legal proceedings–is not done with us yet! Like all Silk Road related news, the charges against DEA agent Carl Force and former Secret Service agent Shaun Bridges are incredibly implausible and circuitous, but Sarah Jeong does as good a job explaining them as anyone could hope for. Keywords include, but are not limited to: murder for hire (simulated), intimidation (failed), theft (flagrant), and LinkedIn contact request (regrettable). Lauren Smiley has a step by step guide in Matter for Feds interested in catching the Bitcoin-laundering wave, and Kashmir Hill collected 5 of Force’s wackiest side-projects for Fusion.

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Facebook is in trouble again for algorithmically dredging up painful memories. Who could have predicted this?

In Pacific Standard, Susie Cagle makes a case that the VC funding system does more harm than good. If you’re on the fence about that, please do see this Twitter thread where prominent venture capitalist Harry Potter, from the blue-chip Silicon Valley firm of Egg & Rapgenius, “argues with Twitter user “fart” about the definition of electricity.

April Fools’ is stupid, but it’s also the day Carnegie Mellon’s Association for Computational Heresy holds SIGBOVIK, which is one of those nerd events where there are so many layers of in-joke that you can’t exactly tell how much (if any) of it is real, or what “real” might mean in this context, but the Proceedings, at least, are very funny. Notably, Tom Murphy made a portmanteau of every English word, which he calls a “portmantout.” Just watch the video, it’s good.

I enjoyed this Colson Whitehead tab about our narcissistic culture because I love reading about myself. You do you, Cols! Alana Massey is right: “Chill” is stupid. The police must be huge Chris Rock fans! Across the land, the question rings out: Can a gay wedding even have pizza? If you don’t already know what that post is about, trust me, you’ll be happier staying that way. And finally: read this boring tab.

It’s intern Avery’s birthday! Today she turns 27! At 27 I was a married home owner and one year away from the birth of my first child, but being a newsletter intern is great too! Happy Birthday Avery!

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by AVERY EDISON

Today is my twenty-seventh birthday (please, hold your applause). Two decades ago, on this date, I woke up and found a child’s snooker table set up for me in our dining room. Not something I’d asked for, but still one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.

The popularity of snooker is a weird part of British culture. It hardly seems a thrilling spectator sport, but for weeks at a time in the winter you can switch to BBC2 and watch hours of snooker in the evening–time slot after time slot of the same old static shot. We even had a bizarre snooker-based game show, Big Break, which ran for ten years.

My snooker table got a lot of use at first, but then I returned to the books one could always find me in as a child. I was not destined to be a Ronnie O’Sullivan, who is profiled in the New Yorker this week. It’s a terrific feature–a classic story of a shining talent dogged by vice and familial sin.

I remember looking at my snooker table in the garden with the trash, warped and broken-down by rain. Happy birthday.

Well. The only thing that could make this birthday more cheerful would be a Facebook year-in-review post.

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Today in Conflicts of Interest: Oyster just got every Discworld book, and Kyle Chayka wrote this essay on why you should read them.

Today’s Song: Earl Sweatshirt, “Wool

~Thinkin’ of a master plan, ‘Cuz ain’t nuthin’ but tabs inside my hand~

Today in Tabs is your Monday–Thursday reminder that people gonna peop. Read us on Fast Company and in email, and follow @rustyk5 to get a front row seat for my inevitable public disgrace.

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