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Today in Tabs: The (Eternal) Return of Tabs

Your contribution of $800 a month will help a needy intern, and score you a sweet Fast Company pen-and-lanyard set.

Today in Tabs: The (Eternal) Return of Tabs
[Photos: Flickr users Iskra Photo and TechCrunch, Heidi Stevens: Zbigniew Bzdak via Chicago Tribune]

Hello, it’s almost April! I had a lovely month off but now I’m back to tell you that nothing has changed, either online or in the world. It’s like the movie Groundhog Day, but depressing and not funny (so: exactly like the movie Groundhog Day).

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It’s snowing outside my window right now, and the 300 Sandwiches Book, based on my very first Tab ever way back in September 2013, just went on pre-sale. David Auerbach promised internet outrage is just about over, and we did manage to get rid of Vivek Wadhwa, for the moment anyway–but Josh Constine and his Omnibang only gained in power. This dude’s dumb hair got its own Buzzfeed profile, but Chicago Tribune columnist Heidi Stevens got nothing but grief for her perfectly normal hair, which is also what happens every other time women have the temerity to appear in public with (or without) hair.

Columnists continued to be bad in March. George Will claimed that income inequality was teriffic, and Nick Bilton just-askin’-questionsed whether smart watches could give you cancer. The answers to Bilton’s question are no, of course not and srsly what are you even, in that order. Deadline Hollywood’s Nellie Andreeva channeled the Ghost of Archie Bunker to ask “what’s up with all the ‘ethnics’ on TV now?” in a column originally titled “Pilots 2015: The Year of Ethnic Castings–About Time or Too Much of a Good Thing?” and Houston rapper Slim Thug managed not only to get a “Slim Thug” byline into the New York Times, but to do it with the slimmest of vague personal anecdotes.

And now, this report from Tabs economics correspondent Emily Surname:

Karl Ove Knausgaard finished his pointless but lengthy road trip, and, well, it’s nice that the new NYT Mag is trying some experiments? This one at least led to Sarah Miller’s great Awl tab “My Flu”, so it’s not a total loss. And on the other side of the scale was Jon Mooallem’s incredible pigeon Ponzi scheme story. John Herrman’s Shitphone article was great, as was Frank Chimero on the grain of the web, which is longish but required reading for anyone who works in media online.

What else happened? Meerkat and Periscope happened! Please see Kyle Chayka in Hazlitt for the big picture and Lindsey Weber in The Daily Dot for the fine details on that. By the way, the contest is already over: Periscope won.

It’s a new month, so Today in Tabs has a new intern! I’d like to introduce Avery Edison, but I’m shockingly lazy, so i’m going to let her introduce herself while I pop out for lunch.

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TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by AVERY EDISON

Finally, I’ll get to use the burn I’ve been saving for months, “That hot take should’ve been an outtake.”

Hi, I’m Avery Edison. I’m nominally a stand-up comedian, but functionally an Internet comedian, which is basically the same thing, except my jokes go to my Twitter instead of the ears of inebriated audiences.

I’ve been writing on and about the Internet since 1999, although the shuttering of GeoCities means we’ve lost my pre-pubescent satirical swipes at bullying classmates and sub-standard paper route wages. In the years since those early efforts, I’ve written humor pieces for The Bygone Bureau, Cracked, McSweeney’s, and my e-zine, Framed Egg, as well as essays about my life as a transgender woman for places like the Guardian and The Toast.

(You may also have heard about how that trans status got me put in a men’s prison in Canada, or how my subsequent human rights settlementmade meaningful and important changes on the admission and placement of trans people in correctional facilities.“)

Here in Tabs, I’ll try to keep the trans stuff to a minimum (you can always read my book if you want more from me on that), and instead focus on continuing Bijan and Vicky‘s legacy of providing a youthful counterbalance to Rusty’s crotchety ways.

(Youthful until Thursday, at least, when I have my twenty-seventh birthday, because we’re dying, we’re all dying, oh god when did I become so old?)

Happy Tabbing, everyone! I’ll see you tomorrow with some actual content.

Mmm, that was a good grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, is she done? Great. Welcome Avery and congratulations on the accomplishments and qualifications you presumably just listed above! Can’t wait to see what legacy magazine you take over next month.

Today’s Album: The new Mountain Goats album “Beat the Champ” is streaming on NPR

Today’s Song: Jeff Rosenstock, “The Lows

~So thank god it’s Monday ‘cause I’m useless garbage.~

Today in Tabs is thrilled to be back in your email and on Fast Company where our new editor is Anjali Mullany, since Reyhan abandoned us for some site about caves. Follow me @rustyk5 and seriously, email me for info on sponsoring new intern Avery Edison!

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