Earlier this year, very bored people in offices rejoiced at the e-commerce opportunity of a lifetime: glitter bombing one’s enemies. Apparently, though, glitter might not sufficiently convey the depths of true discontentment, so now there’s a way to do so with more flair. And also dicks.
One of the stranger insults to emerge in the 21st century is telling someone to eat a bag of dicks. (Or, alternately, to suck a bag of dicks. It varies based on region and gumption.) This anatomical nightmare was thoroughly picked apart by the premier conflicted humanist of our time, Louis C.K., which probably only served to popularize it more. Thanks to the folks at Dicks By Mail, the term has also been literalized. You can actually send somebody a bag of gummy dicks in order to air a grievance. Or perhaps to say “Great job! You’re the best!” if that person loves gummy and is not averse to the occasional dick.
You can send a bag of dicks to your coworker. You can send them to your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. You can even send one to yourself at work, if it’s Valentine’s Day and you don’t want anyone to know there’s nobody in your life who currently spites you and has a weird sense of humor. The possibilities are as limitless as the number of gummy dicks in a bag that you can now send through the U.S. mail because we are currently living in a utopian future. Hopefully, the service will turn out to be a hoax like the glitter one did, so we don’t have to go back to hand-delivering bags of dicks like our grandparents used to do.
Let us know what you would optimally like to ship to your enemies in the comments below.