Do you find all the hoopla over the new Apple Watch just the tiniest, eensiest bit excessive? After all, it’s just a watch that syncs to your phone. Instead of looking at a small screen to check your email or the weather, you can now look at an even smaller screen. Or as Funny or Die‘s faux Tim Cook points out in the channel’s latest video spoof, 33 Must-Have Apple Watch Accessories, “the Apple watch by itself is basically useless.”
The accessories highlighted in the video are “must-haves” because without them, there’s no point in owning the watch at all. These include a full-sized keyboard that attaches to your wrist, a mouse with USB chord, a full-sized monitor and various other desk supplies like a stapler, scotch tape, and staple remover. There’s even a handcuff that locks your wrist to the desk, thereby making it easier to hold up the monitor with your watch hand. The point, of course, is that an object, which is supposed to make your life easier and more convenient, requires that you be literally shackled to your desk in order to get any use from it. And now that you’re a prisoner to this tiniest of screens? Only an Apple-designed innovation can save you. No spoilers, but the solution is masochistic and downright macabre.