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Uber Apologizes For All Of The Confusion Around Surge Pricing, Beefing With Lyft, And Rapist Drivers

Stop worrying–from now on, all Uber drivers will be rapists.

Uber Apologizes For All Of The Confusion Around Surge Pricing, Beefing With Lyft, And Rapist Drivers

There’s a lot to not like about Uber, the tech-bro company that somehow manages to make the reputation of every other tech-bro company even worse. Surge-pricing during emergencies is just the tip of the bad PR iceberg. They’ve been accused of shady dealings in an attempt to gain a competitive advantage over rival car service Lyft; they’ve had drivers accused of sexually-assaulting passengers and been stunningly obtuse in the way they’ve responded; they’ve threatened to invest resources into digging up dirt on reporters who write unflatteringly of the company, and more.

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The way Uber typically responds to accusations like this involves ham-fisted, too-late apologies or ignoring them outright. But what if there were another way?

That’s what this new video from Funny Or Die, “An Apology From Uber,” considers. How could they address reports of the company’s rivalry with Lyft? “A new rewards program called ‘Stab A Lyft Driver,’” a female representative of the company explains (see? Not all tech-bros!) which would end any rivalry that may or may not exist. To ease worries that the driver of your car might be a rapist, perhaps they could finally conduct thorough background checks ensuring that every single driver is, in fact, a convicted rapist–taking the guess-work out of the situation–and the lawlessness of “surge pricing” (which in more regulated industries would be called “illegal price-gouging”) could be mitigated by implementing “Purge Pricing,” in which all crime is legal in an Uber car, so who cares about pricing anymore?


The video goes hard on a pretty soft target–Uber-hate is easy, but oh-so-satisfying–and the tone-deafness of tech culture means that this is probably only about 10 degrees further to the right than you might actually expect from a real Uber apology. At the very least, the things they’ve done that the video mocks prove that one should never underestimate these guys.

About the author

Dan Solomon lives in Austin with his wife and his dog. He's written about music for MTV and Spin, sports for Sports Illustrated, and pop culture for Vulture and the AV Club.

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