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Today in Tabs: Black Hawk Clown

Can’t really improve on the headline, really.

Today in Tabs: Black Hawk Clown
[Photos: Flickr users Asta Adamonyte, DVIDSHUB, Ascii art via Gawker]

Brian Williams admitted that his helicopter was never shot down by RPG fire in Iraq, a story which started off pretty vague but has been enhanced by ten-plus years of repetition. He apologized for the incorrect claim on TV and it’s desperately difficult for me to even pretend that any of this makes any real difference. There will be no consequences. Meanwhile the US Navy just developed a robot that can walk through fire. What could go wrong!

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Today in Poetry: From Quartz comes Jason O. Gilbert’s abecedary “The Internet, From A to Z,” but you may prefer nine year old Gabi’s goth meditation on how great it would taste to torch the homes of your enemies.

The Silk Road trial ended, and the jury returned a verdict of “your honor, is there any such verdict as Super-Duper Guilty?” Yes Ross Ulbricht is, legally, The Dread Pirate Roberts. The only remaining question is do you pronounce guilty with a hard ‘g’ or a soft ‘g’? I’m pleased to announce that tomorrow, Forbes’s Silk Road trial correspondent and legit lawyer Sarah Jeong will be guest tabbing, so I expect a lot of good insider Takes on all of this from her.

Gawker ran a prank on Coke’s dumb ad campaign because brands will never realize that automatically tweeting stuff is a disaster 100% of the time. Which is all well and good, but then The Verge’s Jacob Kastrenakes wrote a few hundred words about it that showed a tiny vestige of sympathy for the “let’s be a little kinder” intention behind Coke’s ad campaign, and the Gawkerbabies got so mad about it. And then Sam had to apologize (again) and in conclusion: never tweet.

But what really matters is The Future of Media. John Herrman says the future of media is the internet becoming more like TV and he is almost certainly right. Read that whole thing, seriously, it’s some of the best media criticism I’ve ever seen. But don’t despair. I work in TV now, and you know what? In a lot of ways it’s great! Sure it’s fundamentally evil, but at least there’s some money in it. The internet is like the Soviet Union in 1989; the end of the grand idealistic experiment is in sight, and it’s obvious what’s coming next, and everyone’s too exhausted to fight it. Make friends with an oligarch, is my advice. Publish something on Snapchat. What else are you gonna do, become a reporter?

Intern Vicky just posted a new issue of her own newsletter Canada Weakly, so if you want more Vicky-related content you should subscribe to that.

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TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by VICKY MOCHAMA

Of all the modern dating things, I have yet to buy in to Tinder. I just don’t know that any great love story has ever hinged on proximity. “Kids, I fell in love with your mother when she moved to my postal code.” “He has so many great qualities, like being so very proximate.” “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom, which according to Google Maps is only 4 kilometres from my apartment.” 

I have downloaded and deleted Tinder twice. The first was over the summer. I knew a lot about it but I had never actually seen it. It was fun at first. Stupid hat: swipe left. Job: swipe right. Likes hiking: swipe left. I did that enough times until I got a couple matches, who sent me messages ranging from the introductory to the predatory. At that point, it became overwhelming. Every notification on my phone screamed STRANGERS IN YOUR AREA WANT TO SEX YOU THEY ARE OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE. Suddenly it felt like there were too many people in my apartment, and none of them were welcome. Delete. 

The second time was during Christmas. I was in Barbados and on the hunt for the profligate irresponsible scion of a Russian oligarch. Tinder would be my matchmaker. It was going great! So many youthful, tan, Caribbean and European things at my fingertips! Right up until one swipe revealed my brother. Delete. Delete my life. Burn the Internet. Tinder, it turns out, is just as morally lax as you would expect. 

Tinder is DeadLong Live Tinder!

True story: I met my wife when she lived downstairs from me freshman year of college. I don’t want to imply that the life theories of 20 year olds are universally wrong, but… no, I think I do want to imply that. Still, anyone dating today has my deepest sympathy.

Today in Ursula K.: The Future of the Left on Motherboard

Today’s Song: Hail Mary Mallon, “4 AM

~It is an ever-fixed tab, that looks on tempests, and is never shaken~

Brought to you by Fast Company and Tinyletter. Never tweet.

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