First created by Russian chemist Dmitri Mendeleev in 1869, the Periodic Table of the Elements are ordered by their atomic number. It starts with hydrogen, and then the elements continue to get denser until they’re downright radioactive. Then there’s the Periodic Table of Sexual Terminology. It starts with a BJ—although let’s face it, that should probably be an HJ—and from there, the petting just gets heavier and heavier until it, too, is sexually radioactive.
The Periodic Table of Sexual Terminology is designed by Dorothy, the London-based design company that has given us posters for everything from a an illustrated guide to every animal in rock music to a star chart of the horror and sci-fi movie firmament. Being from England, some of these terms aren’t widely in use in America, but I think most people can guess to which acts twee Britishisms like “argy bargy” and a “rumpy pumpy” refer.
Dorothy is the first to admit that the Periodic Table of Sexual Terminology is more of a rummage through Dorothy’s school boy (or girl) mind than a scientific investigation into the finer linguistics of sex. For those, though, we’ve got you covered: I suggest checking out A Guide to Talking Dirty Throughout History, 2,600 Historic Slang Terms for Genitalia, and The Oldest English Swear Words.
Printed on both pink and scarlet colored uncoated stock, the Periodic Table of Sexual Terminology can be purchased now from Dorothy for around $50.