Left Shark has a dance degree from Juilliard, spent 6 years w/ Alvin Ailey, and yachts with Madonna so the joke’s on all of you #probably
— VickHEY (@vmochama) February 2, 2015
Hello from the frozen blizzard-plagued reverse-hellscape that is New England. All of New England theoretically won the Superb Owl last night, but let’s be honest, it’s really Boston’s football team, and Boston is a garbage city, so I’m not feeling too much satisfaction in that. Also it has made people from Seattle really sad, and Seattleites are so adorable, it’s hard to see them hurting like this. There are of course already Marshawn truthers, because no event can happen anymore without spawning a conspiracy theory, like the “many worlds” interpretation of quantum mechanics, except it’s “many credulous idiots.”
Speaking of credulous idiots, anti-vaxxers (or as I call them, “literal baby-killers“) are back in the news, having made some real progress recently in their long-term goal of saving critically endangered childhood diseases like measles and whooping cough. Roald Dahl, though we may differ about Hitler, did write a pro-vaccine letter back in 1988 that’s been making the rounds again for obvious reasons, much like measles itself! Probable 2016 Presidential candidate and giant idiot blowhard Chris Christie came out strongly in favor of not picking a side between people who want to spread deadly childhood diseases and people who do not, and Rand Paul thinks vaccines should be “voluntary”, because there is no question Rand Paul will choose not to be on the wrong side of. Obama, well, do you even need to ask where he stands on this? No, you don’t.
oh man bahahaha fuck this garbage company pic.twitter.com/5CMmhkf3Zl
— matt (@mattbuchanan) February 1, 2015
In other idiot news, idiot Dan Lyons declares Shanley “surprisingly intelligent” but speculates that her whole existence might be a hoax, because he can only conceive of people fighting for basic respect as “a new form of entertainment, made possible by Twitter.” Dan Lyons is Joel Johnson’s last, greatest troll, but surely it’s gone on long enough. Fire this fool.
Uber is gonna have a hard time explaining away these emails. Snapchat launched a “Girls West” series called Literally Can’t Even, and it’s ugh pretty cleverly edited and ugh ugh probably the leading edge of a real thing, but I would like to opt out of this inevitable future please. Ijeoma Oluo singlehandedly justified the existence of crappy Costner race movie Black or White with this great review. Krugman believes he has “developed a fairly imposing social media presence,” and since his Twitter is literally vacant of human activity I guess he means “imposing” like brutalist architecture? The first chapter of David Duchovny’s cow novel is on Vulture if you like David Duchovny. Or… cows. Chris Kyle is a drone, argues Aaron Bady in TNI. And introducing: Britaania Poppie.
— Susie Cagle (@susie_c) February 1, 2015
I’m so pleased to introduce our first Second Today in Tabs Intern, Vicky Mochama. I thought we could use some diversity around here, so I found us a Canadian! (She’s very sorry for being Canadian btw.)
Welcome Vicky! Tell ’em who you are.
Today’s Song: Jeremy Turnbull, “In the End, You’re an All Star” (Linkin Park vs Smash Mouth)
~Well, the tabs start coming and they don’t stop coming~