a bakery called mr. scones and me
— Christine Friar (@christinefriar) January 27, 2015
Legacy tech giant IBM will reportedly lay off 12,000 (or 118,000, or maybe 43,000) employees in the next year. It might just fire people until it finds someone who can explain what IBM even does anymore? But in IBM’s heyday (the late 1880s) the rule of thumb was “Every program attempts to expand until it can read mail.” Today, all apps expand until they can serve as a platform for branded #content. To that end, E-payment app Snapcash today introduced the Discover Tab, which places a new wall of branded garbage holes next to your familiar illicit nudes. It’s like television, but narrower and harder to use! On the upside, at last we have a place to find all that terrific Fusion content that The Man won’t let us see anywhere else except on TV and online and on Tumblr and on this other Tumblr too, I guess.
Twitter, meanwhile, is introducing more videos and group DMs in a desperate attempt to somehow find more tokens. I can only wish them godspeed in this token-poor economy. David Carr heeded my call for the MS Hologoggles backlash. He goes a little (a lot) too far, but in his defense, he admits that he was just watching Black Mirror. This Indiegogo campaign for “sprayable sleep” is over 700% funded, but I think what David Carr and I would prefer at this point is sprayable oblivion.
Speaking of oblivion, you can tell that fire has not yet consumed this hellworld because the big Jonathan Chait feature about Political Correctness dropped today, and it might not be the worst thing you ever read but no never mind it is, it is definitely the worst thing you ever read. Have you ever heard the Rush Limbaugh show, or even a small part of it once, even by accident? Imagine that, but delivered at punishing length by a man who earnestly believes himself to be a liberal, and wants to explain that we could all be liberals like him if only marginalized people would shut the hell up. Don’t read it, just take a moment to imagine that, and then move on. If you have matches handy, well, I’m not gonna not suggest you get started with the purifying flames.
“The thirst is real!” says Science. The archery is not real, however. Jack Shafer: “Snyder was heeding my advice… even before I formulated it…” nominated for this year’s BOFA Prize in audacious punditry. Carles is apparently back and he wrote a book that you can download for free. Modern Farmer is over, or not over, or something. No one seems to know, but then again, no one works there anymore. Maybe the owner should read Amelia Greenhall’s excellent post on how to start a publication. Let’s have a toast for the witches. Let’s have a toast for the assholes. Let’s have a toast for the scumbags. Every one of them that I know.
ANCHOR: And now for the weather we go to our meteorologist, A Teen. Teen, how’s it look out there?
TEEN: [stands in blizzard, sighs] Fine.
— Danger Guerrero (@DangerGuerrero) January 25, 2015
Today’s Podcast: This weekend’s This American Life featured PJ Vogt’s Reply All story about Paul’s anxiety bot and also an amazing segment by Lindy West.
Today’s Song: Modest Mouse, “Ansel“
~How the language police are perverting tabs.~