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Today in Tabs: The Looting of Ballghazi

But the girlfriends…are they real?

Today in Tabs: The Looting of Ballghazi
[Photos: Flickr users Keith Allison, Florbela, Microsoft]

Yesterday in IRL, Saudi King Abdullah died and was… not quite universally praised? But also: the government of Yemen fell, one of Libya’s warring factions seized the Benghazi branch of the Libyan Central Bank, the New York Times ran out of title-case type for the letters C, H, A, O, and S, and Thomas Friedman said something incoherent about the Arab Spring at Davos.

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Oh well, I’m sure that’ll all blow over.

But who cares if Benghazi is being looted? We’ve got #Ballghazi to contend with! This year’s Patriots cheating scandal has divided America and pitted brother against brother, provided one brother lives in northern New England and the other one lives anywhere else. Tom Brady stepped up to the podium and talked about balls at length. “To me, they are perfect,” he said, recalling the famous climactic scene from “Balls, Actually.” The NY Times managed to cover this with, as far as I can tell, not a single pun, which is pretty impressive.

For reasons I don’t entirely understand (but do have some solid guesses about) this old Icelandic Necropants story also made the rounds yesterday. That’s pants made from the flayed skin of your buddy, “believed to bring good luck and wealth to the sorcerer who wore them.” If you can’t afford real necropants (and let’s face it, who can in this economy?) you can at least simulate the look with Rick Owens surprising new “peekaboo penis” couture designs. “The Hottest Fashion Trend For 2015 Is Underdick,” wrote Leslie Horn. “I love a tiny, little gesture,Owens told i-D Magazine about the designs. And we all know what starts on the runway eventually makes it out into the mass market, so I’m sure we’ll see this look soon on the shelves of LL Peen, D. Crew, and of course, Banana Republic.

Microsoft unveiled a holographic nerd visor to the press and everyone got an EXCLUSIVE HANDS-ON! We’re still in the new-gadget-excitement phase now, but the Takes are massing on the horizon. Also Today in Microsoft: Bill Gates is guest-editing The Verge in February. I’m told he’s already struggling to learn the CMS.

The guy from The Oatmeal drew some pictures for a card game on Kickstarter and its $10,000 funding goal was exceeded in 20 minutes. It’s currently funded for $3.4 million and counting, with 27 more days to go. No planet-destroying asteroids are known to be incoming, but my hopes remain high. Today In Kickstarters that don’t make me want to die: they’re bringing Freezy Freakies back! The Unicorns are gone, sorry, but might I suggest Jets?

The rise of the Snapchatisher. Megyn Kelly is a hoax. PJ and Alex Goldman explaining to Alex Blumberg what “doxing the fridge” means is surprisingly hilarious (starts at about 15:30). This didn’t even occur to me but now that Jess Zimmerman points it out, it seems both obvious and creepy that your Invisible Boyfriend/Girlfriend is actually a real person. Kyle on Internet English is great, but I wish he had specifically addressed the unpronounceable letter repetition, like in “supppppppp,” which is the most fascinating internetism to me. Site clarifies perspective. Food revolting. Sports Described.

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Your Weekend Video K-Hole: How to Make Almost Everything

Today’s Song: ILoveMakonnen, “Down 4 So Long (Remix feat. Ezra Koenig & Despot)

~Don’t @ me~

Today In Tabs is out of here for the weekend. Thanks to everyone who got in touch about interning and intern-sponsoring! I think we’re all set for February, March and April and that’s about as far into the future as I can plan. But if you’re interested in other Tabs sponsorship opps please do @ me. I tweet @rustyk5, our Senior Contributing Editor is Bijan Stephen. He’s been keeping it too real.

Next week:

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killllll meeeeeeeee

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