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Today in Tabs: The Strikethrough Joke Is The Lowest Form of Humor

Saying goodbye to an intern, hello to a senior contributing editor!

Today in Tabs: The Strikethrough Joke Is The Lowest Form of Humor
[Daniel Lyons: via Wikimedia Commons, Marine Le Pen: via Wikipedia]

Nick Denton recently bet Nuzzel’s Jonathan Abrams that bad-Steve Jobs-impersonator-turned-worse Sam Biddle-impersonator Dan Lyons would still work at Gawker in six months. And he might, since Nick is the one paying his salary, but that bet is already looking pretty shaky. First Lyons took 15-year-running internet joke Kevin Warwick seriously about human extinction. Maybe that was just a “senior moment,” right? Then Friday Lyons tried to cover Linux founder and asshole Linus Torvalds being an asshole but somehow managed to turn it into a feud with Model View Culture cofounder and CEO Shanley Kane, who had the gall to request that Lyons describe her with her actual title. Lyons, whose idea of a joke involves strikethrough text and whose idea of a lede is “Imagine a room full of these things,” followed up with a thinly-veiled excuse to continue making fun of Shanley. And finally on Saturday, Lyons cheerfully reblogged a misogynist interviewing an actual Nazi about Shanley’s sex life. “[h/t Breitbart],” reads the epitaph of Dan Lyons brief trial period at the big kids’ table. I never thought I’d miss Sam so much.

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I thought Juan Cole was trying a little too hard when he wrote about the Charlie Hebdo attack as an exercise in “sharpening the contradictions”, but this weekend the New York Times gave Marine Le Pen, the attractive face of French xenophobia, a big MLK weekend op-ed page welcome without even mentioning that she is a fascist. Emma-Kate Symons called it “a knife in the back for France,” and today Rosie Gray has a long feature in Buzzfeed about the growing youth support for Le Pen’s racist political party which, in case anyone forgot that she is a villain, is literally called “The National Front.” Meanwhile, here in America, we dumped $103.5 million on the-self mythologizing of a man who came back from Iraq and wrote “I only wish I had killed more.” But we also have Ijeoma Oluo so only most people are terrible.

The First Look talent drain continues, with Natasha Vargas-Cooper moving to Jezebel. Meanwhile Serial’s hot-and-cold alibi witness Asia McClain is recanting her recanting of her original claim to have an alibi for Adnan Syed. That Serial news is exclusive to The Blaze, which is not what I would have expected? But sure, ok, what the hell. Neetzan Zimmerman is going to work at The Hill, which is not what I would have expected? But sure, ok, what the hell. Tucker Max started a vanity press for people too lazy to even write their own crappy vanity book, and bragged about it on Medium. There’s a typo in the title, which is exactly what I would have expected.

I am increasingly uncomfortable with this phase of the Caroline / Dan relationship. “We are not rapists, I assure you” continues to be the least reassuring thing you can say. Aaron Gordon’s story of the failure of obscure startup Sport195 for VICE is amazing. Kevin Spacey is very, very private. (“Private” means gay.)

Intern Bijan is all grown up today, and I’m afraid we have to say goodbye. I give you Bijan’s last official intern tab:

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by BIJAN STEPHEN

Today is my first day as Associate Editor at The New Republic; therefore, as this is a real-person job, I’d like to announce that I’m tendering my resignation as Tabs Intern. In related news: I’d also like to announce that I’ll be accepting a position as Senior Contributing Editor at Today In Tabs.

This is all to say: I’ll still be around from time to time, in your inboxes and your hearts. To quote a Hasidic eschatological proverb—as told by Walter Benjamin to Ernest Bloch, via Giorgio Agamben’s book, The Coming Community—“Everything will be as it is now, just a little different.”

I was at a party the other day with a few friends, in honor of lasagna and Rusty; we popped bottles of homemade hard cider, cheap red wine, and fine champagne. I made an extemporaneous toast that I don’t remember. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, though, thinking about what I should have said. If I could do it again, I’d say something like this:

We’re all here because of Rusty. I’m humbled and honored to know him; to make it about dot me for a second, I’m incredibly grateful to have had the opportunity to, by turns, annoy and fascinate a moderately sized email newsletter. Rusty, you’ve given us so much! The concept of tabs, even! So, tonight, I just want to say thank you. You’re the best media dad I could have asked for.

I didn’t say that then. But it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?

Anyway, more news. The intern section will be changing a little bit—Rusty and I have decided, after careful consideration, that the space should be used to showcase young writers. It’s a(n occasionally, shabbily) paid “internship”; Rusty is a wonderful—if negging—boss, and he’ll let you write pretty much whatever you’d like. I can honestly say it’s helped me grow as a writer, as an editor, and as a cynical media brat. If you’re interested in writing the intern tab for a week or so, don’t hesitate to drop Rusty or me a line.

All of this is to say, of course, farewell. I’ll miss this, and you. Yes, you, the person who’s gotten to the bottom of this tab. Thanks for everything.

xo,
bij

Damn, Bij, you went out hard! “To quote a Hasidic eschatological proverb—as told by Walter Benjamin to Ernest Bloch, via Giorgio Agamben’s book…” Can you beat that? And then a literal “I was at a party the other day” to follow! Just outstanding. Seriously, it’s been a pleasure negging Bijan these last few months. Everything good that ever happened to me was the result of taking a joke and making it into a serious thing, and Bijan did just that with his Tabs internship. The instinct and ability to do that will take him a long way, and I can’t wait to watch. So farewell to Intern Bijan, and welcome Senior Contributing Editor Bijan! I look forward to your future symbolic resignation-in-protest.

Today’s Video: Modest Mouse, “Coyotes

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Today’s Song: Emile Haynie, “Wait For Life” ft. Lana Del Rey

~For every bit of venom that came out, the antidote was tabs~

Today in Tabs is brought to you by Fast Company and by email. Our Sr. Contributing Editor is Bijan Stephen. I tweet @Rustyk5. Someday I will remember how to get the Tabs out on time.

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