This morning I woke up frightened. I knew that as today’s intern I would have to submit myself — body, mind, finances — to the all-powerful wrath of the omnipresent **Hallie**. Now readers, just look at what came before, ducks and all. You can guess that Hallie’s fury is mighty difficult to handle.
I continued trying to find the correct, most intern-iest tabs. But there’s nowhere to go but down if the first word uttered is “Dick Poop.”
And then it happened: The Link That Should Not Exist entered stage left and it just would not stop. According to The Science of Us, someone is (supposedly) dating her dad and she is (supposedly) A-OK chatting about it with like everyone on the internet. I read the headline and thought, should I continue? I continued. It was bad, got exponentially worse; I have not stopped crying.
Mallory Ortberg tried to make things right but even that wasn’t enough. I scrambled to find other tabs. Look over there — the singularity has arrived in the form of advertisers hijacking cars; Everyone was reminded that Hollywood is pretty racist, yet that won’t stop ye olde tabbers from tabbing; Google is halting Glass sales, adds that it’s DEFINITELY NOT DEAD (lololololol).
But the dad-dating tab still exists. I am lost, alone, sure that something even worse will soon materialize. But I would like to end this on an upbeat note. So, here is picture of a duck I drew. Happy Duck Day. (Are you happy now, overlord?)
Now, I must descend into a hole far below the hubbub of the Hudson to a place where dad dating just cannot be fathomed.
If you see me at Hey Ladies tonight, please put me out of my misery.