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Today in Tabs: Christmas Steve

Last Tabs of 2014, so perfect time to air some grievances.

Today in Tabs: Christmas Steve
[Snaketivity: Robert Killips, Nativity: Christopher Behnan via Lansing State Journal]

Here it is, Christmas Eve eve, what men’s rights activists know as “Christmas Adam” and atheists call “Christmas Steve.” I used to consider myself an atheist, but apparently now there is an atheist Ten Commandments, only instead of Charlton Heston we get Adam Savage. So I’m joining the Detroit Satanists (the religious freethinkers group, not the Major League Soccer team of the same name). Satanic Temple spokesperson Jex Blackmore communed with the infernal spirits and returned with the news that my new Satanic name is Snax Pentagenét, so please address me as such for all Satanic purposes from now on.

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It’s the last Tabs of the year, so you know I’m not putting much work into this. This reporter burning 8.5 tons of drugs is basically me today:

So let’s check in with the Take Tree! That’ll use up a lot of space.


“Your lived experience is bullshit,” said the tree, “but
mine is a broadly relevant cautionary tale.”
(art by Alison Headley)

If you’re here looking for something good to actually read, (a) we need to talk about the proper holiday spirit, but (b) ok fine read this New York Times feature on the Stanford Class of 1994, by Jodi Kantor. It is that rarest of unicorns, the over-produced #longread that is worth actually reading. While you read it, you may be interested to learn, as I just did today, that the word “meritocracy” started as a joke. I mean an on-purpose joke.

But don’t read things! It’s Christmas Steve! Watch some Trash TV. Learn what was good in 2014 according to Laura Olin. Grab an Up Dog. Write some Draco Malfoy slashfic. Laugh at how much Columbia Journalism school costs. Play Goat Simulator. Or, if all else fails, visit Flavortown:

Tweets! Tweets take up lots of space! I’m calling it now, this is the Tweet of the Year:

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These last few months I think we’ve all gotten to know Bijan a lot better. I suspect that he’s headed for bigger and better things in the new year, but while we still have you Bij, what do you have to say about the end of 2014?

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by BIJAN STEPHEN

I thought I was going to write about Migos today, the last tabs day of 2014. I’d planned to tell you about the Migos Flow™, about how “Versace” and “Hannah Montana” are more brilliant than they appear, about why their rise is evidence that all hasn’t been garb this year. But then I saw that Shea Serrano had written a better parable in Grantland—with pictures!

And then I saw a book: Everybody Dies: A Children’s Book For Grown-Ups, by Ken Tanaka and David Ury. I brought it back to my desk and read their sad—but realistic!–this is for grown-ups—portrait of death. If we’re being honest, the dedication was the most striking part. “Dedicated to Lisa Nguyen,” it reads, “who should have been the exception.”

It made me think of the other visual story I read recently, Yumi Sakugawa’s superb I Think I Am In Friend-Love With You, which came highly recommended, of course, by a friend. The book is moving in the way it shows how friendships begin, deepen, and eventually end.

Lisa wasn’t the exception—and neither are we—but she was a friend. And here’s where I’ll end this year: 2014 has taught me that a lot of things are bad. But many things are good! It’s been, as my friend says, a good year for friends but a bad year for pretty much everything else.

All is not lost, all is not garb. You are a good person! Listen to Migos. 2015 will come soon enough.

xoxo, bij

Thanks Bijan! See you in 2015.

Today’s Song: Endless Jingling, by Josh Millard (doesn’t work on iPhone sorry)

Last Words:

~This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a tab but a whimper.~

Thank you so much for reading this nonsense every day, or once a week, or reluctantly that one time when it confirmed all of your least charitable suspicions about your media friend’s taste, as the case may be. I technically could do it without you, but there would be little point. Thank you as well to Fast Company Labs where the tabs live on the web, and to Tinyletter who have continued sending them by email despite my far exceeding their nominal subscriber limit. Thanks to Bijan for interning, and Dark Social for everything you do. This concludes 2014 in Tabs, I’ll be back on January 5th! Till then you can follow @rustyk5 or @TodayinTabs. FELIZ NAVIBLAH!

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