Ah, the “Year in Review.” An opportunity for brands to remind you how indispensable their technology has become to your ritualized and predictable daily existence. For the past couple of years, Spotify has done a year-end review of all the tracks, albums, and genres that you listened to the most, which is a fun exercise. And now, not one to be left out in the cold, food-ordering service Seamless has released its own version called the “Flash Back.”
And, yes: It is predictably sad. Like, these-are-the-boat-noodles-you-pathetically-curl-up-with-on-your-couch-while-falling-asleep-to-Netflix-on-Friday-nights sad.
Sent out in an email Monday morning to customers, Seamless’ year in review attempts to tickle the brain’s nostalgic regions with a confusing ’80s throwback motif, which, as most people with functioning eyeballs would agree, doesn’t really work:
It’s basically a Gecko tank top.
Next it tells you what your most-ordered meal is, as well as what types of restaurants are popular in your neighborhood.
Then, Seamless tells you the day of the week you happened to use Seamless the most.
Today’s special: A free side of ennui.
For dessert, a section that highlights your top three most-ordered from restaurants. This section is not for the faint of heart. Consider it a mirror into your soul—what you order when you are at your most feeble.
You—at least if you are a fussy New Yorker who is frets about this sort of thing—might be wondering, “Why would you order from Papa John’s when better pizza shops are all around you?” I wish I had a sensible answer. I don’t. But if you are looking for sensible answers in your Seamless history, well, my friend, I’m afraid you are looking for answers in all the wrong places.
In the slideshow above are the order histories of a few other Fast Company staffers. Think you can out-sad us? Send a screenshot to cgayomali[at]fastcompany[dot]com with a short explanation of why you order what you order.