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Today In Tabs: Upsettling News From Garb Planet

Taking it to Kinja with Mr. Blappo and Mr. Bort.

Today In Tabs: Upsettling News From Garb Planet

Let’s go ahead and talk about the longest work email any of us have ever read in our lives, Nick Denton’s memo on the re-organization of Gawker. Notably, Denton acknowledges his role in what a lot of people have characterized as a difficult year for Gawker, describes hiring Joel Johnson as a mistake, and announces a re-structuring of top leadership. Also Nick is going to start taking it to Kinja on a regular basis. The memo only indirectly addresses the Gamergate apology-fest, but that was a pretty popular topic at the all-hands held after the memo was sent out, and it seems like it at least played something of a role in the management changes. Our favorite mistake, meanwhile, was spotted at the Vice offices, as gleefully reported by Dylan Byers, who reminds us all that Vice can safely assume that Joel is probably willing to take a pay cut.

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The other big media story today is an accusation that Malcolm Gladwell, who we all just thought was irritating and dumb, is actually also a thieving plagiarist (maybe). Honestly the best part of this story will always be watching old media struggle to write stuffily about “Mr. Blappo and Mr. Bort.” Around the Tabs newsroom—it’s a hole in a tree we whisper takes into—the main reaction is “IDK I guess it’s kind of plagiarism,” but this is likely not the last we’ll hear of it, either.

More Trash News from Garb Planet: The world is full of truly terrible crowdfunding projects, but this might be the worst one: a piece of plastic the size and weight of an iPhone that you carry around as a phone surrogate to ensure you enjoy trashworld IRL instead of through your ~black mirror~. If this sounds like a good idea to you, I advise you take your $12 and put it towards time travel so you can go back to the middle ages or whenever and impress everyone with tales of the technological hellscape you survived, you fucking precious flower of humanity. Speaking of time travel, the future may be renewable but the past certainly isn’t, so slow claps for Greenpeace all around. America is furious that a man was not eaten by a snake, as television had promised. I say we let the snake choose who it wants to eat, but I humbly suggest Bono. We are at marketing hoax level critical with the Sony hack, although emails like this deserve to be real. Every negative assumption you have about how viral content sausage is made is 100% accurate, you blood-spattered e-Cassandra. And yes, we can make an argument in favor of using Comic Sans to make serious statements about police brutality towards minorities, but do we really want to?

Duck the Cat is busy napping and being beautiful and I ask of her only what she deigns to give me, so I told Rusty’s intern to submit his tab.

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by BIJAN STEPHEN

The cover of Run-D.M.C.’s third album, Raising Hell, features two black men in puffy black jackets who’ve just stepped through a doorway. It’s purple, and the title is printed in green on the far left near the spine. The shot is blurred. The two figures look like they’re in motion.

When you have come to regard your very skin color as an insufferable disease, when you have to punch other people in the mouth just so you can be ok with who you are, not giving a fuck is the single most divine experience you can ever have,” Carvell Wallace writes at Pitchfork, in a quietly seething essay titled “How to Raise Hell in Three Steps: on Run-D.M.C., Parliament, Blackness and Revolution”. Wallace continues:

But then like an act of nature, like the rain that suddenly sprang up these past few weeks to end the California drought, an “officer involved shooting occurred.”

And another one occurred.

And another one occurred.

And another one occurred.

And with each one, we lose a fuck.

Stepping through a doorway implies movement, which in turn implies direction. What were they moving toward, and what were they leaving behind?

…[I]t’s a lyric from [“Proud To Be Black”] that seems most prescient nearly 30 years later,” Wallace says.

If you try to take what’s mine, I’ll take it back y’all.

It’s like that.

Of course today is the day Bijan submits a burn-resistant intern tab.

Beautiful Tab Flowers Growing in the Compost of Garb Planet: Modern Farmer’s twitter has lost its mind. People who make magazines about cats just get me. Grantland has an in-depth analysis of Drake’s heat checks (this is a heat check, nerds). Naomi Fry makes us all want to go see “Zero Motivation.” Ingrid Burrington lectures about maps, infrastructure and control. And Susan Dominus shares an upsettlingly* common experience among women.

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Finally, in an act of disgusting cluelessness so horrible that it becomes hysterically funny, the NYPD is holding a “Thank You NYPD” pro-cop rally in NYC next week, and really, what can you say other than “no thank you,” maybe in Comic Sans.

Today’s Inspiration: Werner Herzog Inspirationals

Today’s Song: Nicki Minaj – “Feelin’ Myself (feat. Beyoncé)”

Tomorrow’s Friiiiiday! GYPO, CU46

Today in Tabs is brought to you by Jessie Guy-Ryan and Bijan Stephen but usually by Rusty through the power of FastCoLabs and your email.

* Jessie accidentally made up the word “upsettling” but I’m gonna allow it, please use widely for things that are both upsetting and unsettling. —Rusty

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