Officer down on Delmar and Taylor, repeat, officer feeling down… about the mean football players he saw on the TV. He is crying
— St. Louis County PD (@stIcountypd) December 2, 2014
Yesterday Tabs was off, through no fault of my own, which I’m sure sounds relaxing but actually just leaves me with way Too Much Internet to deal with today.
Canadian ex-radio sleaze Jian Ghomeshi was arrested last Wednesday on sexual assault charges, and Kathryn Borel, a former producer at his show, told her story in The Guardian: “A few months into my job in 2007, I let out a big yawn at a staff meeting and my host told me ‘I want to hate fuck you, to wake you up.’” Note that Canadian justice moves (kinda) swiftly, whereas in America you can apparently be such a predator that it’s noteworthy when you didn’t drug and rape someone and get away with it for decades. In this, as in so many things, Americans could learn a lot from our neighbors to the North.
— Silvia Killingsworth (@silviakillings) December 1, 2014
Media Dot Garb: Vox raised again, the boutique blog publisher and CES trailer proprietor is now valued at almost $400 million. Buzzfeed hired Daniel Kibblesmith from Clickhole, which makes it increasingly unclear who is being parodied by whom, but congrats on a big step up for the great-grandson of a humble pet-food artisan. At Gawker, Joel Johnson got fired-ish, and Sam Biddle returned from a month of vacation and immediately coined the term “Chart Brut,” which is frankly brilliant. You can finally stream Black Mirror legally, which is required viewing for any Tabs reader. Also watch for the upcoming Black Mirror Christmas special! The team behind WNYC’s formerly-great internet podcast TLDR has moved to This American Podcast Startup Gimlet Media and launched their new show, which is called Reply All because WNYC owned the name “TLDR” and no one ever knew what it meant anyway. They have two episodes out already and there should be third sometime today!
The Star Wars Episode VII teaser came out on Friday, followed quickly by the George Lucas Special Edition trailer which has at least 72% more Bantha crap. Dudes wanted to tell you what was wrong with it, as you’d expect if you’ve met a dude at any time since 1977, but the internet pretty quickly homed in on one thing: the light saber.
The Washington Post consulted a master bladesmith and also “light saber critics,” who can’t possibly, as a profession, be very busy most of the time? The Verge went hard, both critiquing the “laser claymore” and redesigning it. John Brownlee seems to be the only one who remembered that the whole purpose of different light saber designs is characterization. And the internet went crazy making up new light saber designs. Let’s give them all a big hand. No, not you, Luke, you’ve only got one hand left. Kind of a “solo hand” eh? I hate myself and want to die.
Bijan’s been busy! First he met his real mom and dad at a party last night, and then today The Awl parodied his style pretty brutally. But he seems to be holding up ok, judging by his sweater game at least.
Cool justice system America, great job.
Rap Game: Unknown Boom
Today’s Song: Two new songs from Lana Del Rey!
~Let’s get outta these tabs, baby we’re on fire.~
Today in Tabs is written by robots, published on the web at FastCoLabs, and sent to your email by TinyLetter. If you’re looking for two twitter accounts to get your following count up to the magic 666, I would say completely at random you could choose @rustyk5 and @TodayinTabs for that. me irl.