Santa-tizer Is Here To Protect Your Kids From Jolly (And Filthy) Old Saint Nick

We are surrounded by germs and some of us are obsessed with it. Sure there’s good bacteria here and there and in your yogurt but it’s still disgusting. We know this because over the last decade hand sanitizer has replaced gum and candy at most check-out cashiers. And because of the sheer volume of annual articles warning us that poop is everywhere. From germ-free this to bacteria-killing that, plenty of products are here to clean everything. Between H1N1, swine flu, SARS, and now ebola, our collective germaphobia doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

But if we’re so concerned with germs, why do we seemingly look the other way when it comes to the holidays? Rhode Island-based agency Nail Communications is hoping to combine our two great loves–Christmas and cleanliness–with its new product. The Santa-tizer is a protective barrier to protect your child from perhaps the yuletide’s filthiest locale.

“America’s seemingly limitless germophobia has proven to be an enormous business opportunity for countless companies,” says Nail creative partner Alec Beckett. “Yet somehow all the parental paranoia seemed to have overlooked one of the most unsanitary customs in modern America: the mall Santa. So we saw Santa-tizer as an opportunity to remind people to be afraid even during the holidays.”

The agency is selling this new holiday product–basically a Christmas-themed toilet seat cover–on its new site, with promises of even more seasonal sanitary products like a Santa Beard Lice Comb and Mistletoe Dental Dam.

“It’s our way of protecting you from germs, but mostly it’s our way to protect you from germ hysteria by reminding everyone just how absurd it’s gotten,” says Beckett.

Just remember no amount of rum can clean the shame off that dairy abomination known as egg nog.JB