It’s been so long since I wrote Tabs that I’m afraid I may have developed Space Madness but I’m sure it will be ok, after all this mission is still… well within parameters. ಠ_ಠ
For sale: website. Never launched
— Racket Teen (@RacketTeen) November 25, 2014
Other people suffering from Space Madness (UNLIKE me, I’m perfectly fine tyvm): the guy who made God’s operating system TempleOS. Pierre Omidyar who assembled the Racket Teen dream team and then fired them all in an act reminiscent of that time Yahoo! owned Flickr, Upcoming, and Del.icio.us at the same time and let them all die like baby squirrels secretly rescued by an eight year old and then forgotten in a shoebox in the closet until they started to smell. Rolling Stone, who just named the universally loathed U2 album Songs of Innocence, an album whose very existence was so resented that Apple had to make a special software tool to remove it from iTunes, its number one album of 2014. Paul Graham, who was found drifting off the shoulder of Orion, sending out garbled transmissions like: “It struck me recently how few of the most successful people I know are mean… Are meanness and success inversely correlated?” before dumping all of his oxygen into space and scrawling IT’S DEMO DAY over and over on the bulkheads in the blood of Y Combinator grads. The International Journal of Advanced Computer Technology, a pretend academic journal, which just published the exciting breakthrough paper “Get Me Off Your Fucking Mailing List.” The reviewers found it excellent! And perhaps most of all, Witness #40, who just… yeah, I don’t think so.
It’s been a long break and there’s a ton of stuff in my Tabs folder but let’s just sort of summarize, shall we? I think it basically breaks down like this.
THE BAD: James Watson wants to sell his Nobel Prize because his racist opinions have made him unemployable (aside from his well-paid academic job, of course) and he needs the money to buy an expensive painting. Repeatedly disgraced garbage person Ed Champion posted yet another self-serving fake apology. My Apology: I’m sorry for acknowledging that he still exists. A shocking “mistake” in the Darren Wilson grand jury hearing: the prosecutors handed out a copy of a law that would have made it almost impossible to prosecute Wilson, but which had been ruled unconstitutional in 1985. The Ferguson prosecutors should be disbarred and serve jail time for that grand jury fiasco. And Lauren Oyler wrote probably the worst book review I’ve ever struggled all the way to the end of, about Roxane Gay’s Bad Feminist: “Games being stupid, I wish there weren’t one at all, but if people are going to play for my well-being whether I’m in or not, I would rather be on the field than under the stands smoking with an undeserving townie, talking about how pointless sports are until a ball eludes grasping fans’ hands, falls through the bleachers, and hits me in the head.” This is the controlling metaphor in a review that primarily takes issue with the quality of Gay’s writing, by the way, which: lol.
I just made this GIF to save for later use pic.twitter.com/YbQSx4X7MJ
— Matt Haughey (@mathowie) November 28, 2014
THE GOOD: Choire’s morning podcast is back at The Awl! At least for today, but please keep doing it Choire. There was so much to read over the break! Like Jon Bois in SBNation, writing about his time as a Radio Shack employee. I don’t often find time to read all the way through these but Elon Green’s annotation of Mike Sager’s “The Devil and John Holmes“ is so great, both the original article and the commentary track. Jay Smooth on Ferguson and riots is essential viewing. Andy Baio transcribed it here. Molly Lambert wrote about Eminem’s fundamental conservatism for Grantland, and Killer Mike told VICE how that Ferguson speech came about.
Also, Chris Rock did a NYMag interview, and it’s so good that it seems like every person who tweeted it picked a different line to quote. My favorite part was: “So, to say Obama is progress is saying that he’s the first black person that is qualified to be president. That’s not black progress. That’s white progress.”
Now here’s Bijan, who was recently seen trying to get in on the current #dadtwitter boom, to tell us what’s hot in the ‘Dacks:
Oh, I momentarily forgot that everything is literally the worst, so thanks for the reminder Bij.
Today’s Toy: Journalism
~It can only be attributable to… human tabs.~
I made it about dot me in Kernel Mag if you want to see what my kids think I do for a living. Today in Tabs is brought to you as always by FastCoLabs, where you can find us on the w w w and by Tinyletter, where you can find us in your email.