Today in Tabs: Uber Stank

Dads, Barbies and a new, fake startup for sex offenders. Plus: The Bij is back!

Today in Tabs: Uber Stank
[Photo: Flickr user Mike Mozart]

That terrible Barbie book spawned both a very good rewrite and a tool to make your own, by some hacker. Donna Haraway did a pretty good one. But maybe you’d like a more realistic doll instead?


Brian and Steven are NOT Racket teens


Uber Stank: Everyone’s pet journalist and “fracas”-user Michael Wolff wrote up his take on the infamous Uber dinner: “It was a long table, probably 40 feet or more, and Smith was seated at the far end with Emil Michael…” It was like a dinner party on Hoth! Smith and Michael were well beyond the first marker, no one’s tauntaun could even make it out there. Oddly though, Nicole Campbell was apparently “one seat over from Emil Michael” during the conversation. She was probably not even visible to Wolff, as far away as he was. But Campbell too is “upset that Ben sensationalized what happened at that dinner” with her dear friend Emil. What’s a little tracking journalists with God Mode between all of us good friends? Uber, after all, would never hire oppo researchers and heck, folks who make mistakes can learn from them—myself included.

Let’s Free-Associate! ⏎

Adult Swim’s new parody infomercial is for Smart Pipe, a quantified-self startup and registered sex offender. ⏎

And what goes down your Smart Pipe is, of course, the irl version of the poop emoji. ⏎

But maybe you need some sexier emoji? ⏎


Flirtmoji includes a bloody steak, and Alex Balk knows exactly why. ⏎

But if you prefer your sexmeat a little warmer, try this unexpectedly engaging Q&A with a zoophile. ⏎

And what is worse than horse sex? In descending order: a monkey humping Larry King and anyone humping a banker. ☒

It’s Friday, Read Some Things: Today in Dads (inexplicably fails to mention me?). “I had the idea that the first thing I published would have to be a perfect piece of work. It would have to have a form and soul so powerful everyone just had to listen to it.” —Michelle Dean on writing. The philosophical underpinnings of that Willow and Jaden interview. The sexiest man… alive. Hallie Bateman’s cartoon about the Thought Police in the new Oyster Review is delightful, as is Choire on how to start reading Ursula K. LeGuin and Kyle Chayka on Rachel Kushner’s The Flamethrowers. How Twitter built a complete, searchable index of all tweets.

The Observer’s Rusty Foster correspondent Kara Bloomgarden-Smoke caught up with Racket Teen for a Q&A after their Tabs debut yesterday. She made sure to ask the important questions, like “What was it like to be Rusty Foster for a day?

Paul Ford on HTML5 is wonderfully-written and informative but also an exceedingly rare New Yorker Dot Com production disaster.



We’re pretty much back to normal, and that means intern Bijan is back too! I know at least two of you missed him, assuming those were not just Bijan’s sock puppet accounts pretending to ask where he was.


Science is great because it tells stories. A lot of the time those stories get lost in the noise—dry math, passive-voice sentence constructions, unfamiliar terminology—and we need people to translate them for us, to make them real. These people/saints are science reporters; through their work, they help us make sense of our place in the world. One of my favorites, Liz Lopatto, recently wrote a critically slept-on piece about a mysterious disease affecting starfish.

Again, once the mudstone is exposed, we set down the tape measures and start hunting for starfish. Five are sick. One is contorted like an arthritic hand, the ends of its arms pulled in tight toward its body like a fist. George removes it from the crevice to look it over. There’s something viscerally repellent about its body, like I’m watching it writhe in slow-motion. It looks wrong.

Of course, the rest of the story goes into detail about what we know, and, more importantly, what we don’t. Read it, be chilled.

Arguably science is great for other reasons in addition to its story-telling prowess? But ok! Thanks Bij. Hope you survive ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴜʀɢᴇ.

Today’s Toy: What’s your hipster business name?

Today’s Song: Mogwai, “Special N

~”In fact, I don’t think anyone’s ever tried to hump me.” —Larry King~

Today in Tabs had quite a strange week. Thanks so much to guest-tabbers Jessie Guy-Ryan and Racket Teen, and guest intern Duck the cat for covering for me while I was traveling. Thanks to FastCoLabs for putting Tabs on the WWW and for buying me lunch (“mid-century modern!“). And thanks to you, for subscribing and making me feel like all of this has a purpose. You can always hit reply to reach me, or find me on Twitter.