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Today in Tabs: To Redefine Corporate Evil For the New Millennium

If brands are people, time to get rid of people?

Today in Tabs: To Redefine Corporate Evil For the New Millennium
[Screenshot: via Snapchat]

Ben Smith went to a dinner party: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. And as he hobnobbed with the nobs at Graydon Carter’s Waverly Inn, pressing the flesh under a snowstorm of Names (Arianna, Ed Norton, Michael Wolff, Chris Hughes, you know darling, Our Kind) he heard something very strange! Or not strange, so much as exactly the sort of thing you would expect to hear from Uber, whose mission statement is “To Redefine Corporate Evil For the New Millennium!” Uber exec Emil Michael suggested that the company should hire a team of researchers to ruin the life of Pando Daily founder and Lyft Senior VP of Shadow PR Sarah Lacy, as though being a close confidante of Paul Carr weren’t already ruination enough for ten lives. Granted, the idea of an Uber Dirty Tricks squad is horrific, even if Michael were thinking of Lacy more as a spokesperson for his competition than a journalist per se. And further granted that Lacy has been completely right about Uber’s creepy totalitarianism and rampant misogyny. So does it matter that Lacy and Pando have a close relationship with Lyft investors and a clear bias in favor of Lyft and against Uber, if Lacy’s critiques are true? These are questions best left for another time, because this story is about Ben Smith and a dinner party. Ben Smith signed it: and Ben Smith’s name is good upon ‘Change, for anything he chooses to put his hand to. Emil Michael is as dead as a door-nail.

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Oddly Enough: Air BnB is already hiring journalists for its terrible #brandzine.

Today in Tech: Snapchat wants to be Venmo and made an insane but weirdly charming promo for its Snapcash “ephemeral money” service (it makes your cash disappear lol get it good #tech #joke dad). Twitter co-founder and Jelly-flopper Biz Stone launched a new app called Super which seems mainly designed to demonstrate how horribly broken discovery in the app store is. #Gamergate HQ 8chan is also the happy home of a thriving network of pedophiles. New York plans to replace pay phones with wifi mobile charging stations. There’s an open source effort to model the C. elegans worm in software. I hope the code is “elegans!” (You’re en fuego today dad!) This New Yorker tab on agents for programmers reminds me of 1998, and not in a good way. What’s your Silicon Valley Job Title? Egg partner Ben Horowitz becomes literally the last person on Earth to realize what an insufferable douchebag Mahbod Moghadam is.

The Jaden and Willow Smith T Magazine interview is nothing short of a revelation. These kids are avatars of a new kind of human, you mark my words. If you’re not convinced, Cooper Fleishman rendered it in blank verse for Daily Dot.

Have you ever read your really old email? Reyhan “Tabs Editor/Conflict of Interest” Harmanci did. You should never make the same mistake, because ghosts. I cannot improve on the title or content of this in any way so just go read: Barbie Fucks It Up Again. TIME and Outbrain totally deserve each other. Buzzfeed’s fast food Thanksgiving sure is… something. Seals are trying to fuck penguins. Thanks, Obama!

Today in the Bible: Mallory Ortberg is doing the Lord’s work on this fallen ‘net. Bible Verses Where The Word “Praying” Has Been Replaced With “Truckin’”, and Bible Verses Where The Word “Philistines” Has Been Replaced With “Haters”. Bonus: Religious Vader.

Today in Art: Super Flemish: Superheroes in the style of the Flemish Masters.

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Today in #longreads: I needed three full days off from Tabs to read the whole thing, but Jacqui Shine’s history of the Style section in the Awl really is worth your time.

Today’s Song: Senri Kawaguchi, “Jinshin no Ran Demo” is a teenage girl rocking the hell out on the drums, do not miss.

Song, Also: A$AP Ferg, “Perfume

~There’s more of tabbouleh than of Tab about you, whatever you are!~

Today in Tabs is brought to you by FastCoLabs and/or your inbox. The intern was off today, through no fault of his own.

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