Hi I’m Jessie, chosen ghost talker of the internet elite. Rusty and Bijan aren’t dead, they’re just sleeping.
I’m excited to lead off tabs with some very important writering news: Jonathan Franzen is blessing us all with a new novel! He has left the world of superior beings (birds) and worked feverishly for two years to create a tale of a lesser being, a woman, who—naturally—is incomplete until she finds her father. He is also—we are so lucky, fellow humans—getting biographied, and we are being promised that it will intimately reveal his metamorphosis as a writer and as a person who has achieved his final, true form of a bird. The bird people are coming, Tabs readers, and they have chosen Franzen to carry their message.
This isn’t my first rodeo. it’s my two hundred and sixth. fuckin love rodeos. season tickets, baby
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) November 16, 2014
In other writering news, famous mean garbage company Vice has launched a science fiction vertical, Terraform and honestly it is great so far and I am excited about it, even if I think Vice is stealing ideas from my brain. Like a science fiction story, get it? Hmm? Yes, good, good jokes, moving on.
Jay is actually Hae in disguise: We’ve already peeled the first three layers of Takes off of Serial, because the internet is an efficient takes-based machine. Julia Carrie Wong contributed Serial’s use of the model minority trope to the ongoing discussion/backlash re: the podcast’s race issues, and then Jaime Green dropped a meta-take dissecting the use of citation in these arguments. That’s right, my little spider-egg-carriers, we are already on Take Level Meta and the podcast’s season hasn’t even finished. Life is truly a miracle.
When your friend is drunk and getting a little riled up you can now say, “Whoa, settle down, Cake Boss” and roll your eyes.
— Sara Kate W (@SaraKateW) November 17, 2014
Vows: Solange Knowles got married in a caped jumpsuit, like a superhero whose bridal party is also her amazing color-coordinated superhero brigade. Knowles and her new husband left the ceremony on bicycles painted completely white, like those ghost bikes people paint and leave by the road to memorialize bicyclists killed by cars. Is Solange a ghost superhero? Maybe. Is her power making the girl internet completely freak out on Sunday night? Yes.
I struggled a little to find an intern that would bring Bijan’s philosophical musings and thoughtful curation to the intern section today. Fortunately, I know a beautiful cat. Duck, what’s hot on the ‘net?
Great job, Duck, and thank you, Becca Laurie, for having the foresight to teach your cat to type.
Time (TIME? I don’t care) has issued an apology for attempting to have a nuanced, thoughtful discussion on the internet by asking for a straight up-and-down vote on banning the word ‘feminist’ or some other word used primarily by women, teens, and/or POC. I am giving odds on whether they still announce “feminist” as the winner on Wednesday, or if they pick the runner-up, thereby stoking the rage of the baby men on message boards who took up this very serious and real opportunity to ban the word “feminist.” Please contact me for betting information; the prize is I remove the part of your brain that is aware of Time. Related: here are some tips to prevent/deal with being doxxed.
This is getting to be kind of long: Ebola response, eh…lacking, calendar available, baby sleepy, early trolling documented, accused rapist facing minor consequences, video game short, Emily Gould is doing great blogging at Salon right now, Bobby Finger found the new Serial.
The Racket Teen Please Acquihire Me Song of the Day: “Racket Teen: Hero’s Theme”
The Other Song of the Day: Parkay Courts, “Content Nausea”