Charm gets you places. It is a magical quality that makes people like you. When you have charm, you can basically get what you want. It will open doors for you and bring promotions to you. It will even get you that big project you would love to manage.
What is charm, and how do you get it? Is it about being good-looking and having an extraordinary personality or your uncle’s infectious laugh?
Charming people are able to attract and engage people. They are often invited into the inner circles, and they present themselves well, speak well, and act debonairly.
Here are five tips that will help you charm your coworkers, manager, or that client that you have been trying to win over for years.
Search through LinkedIn, Google, and Facebook and find out all you can about them, especially something you have in common with them that could be a conversation starter. Where have they lived? What companies have they worked for? What have they achieved? Who do you know in common? What achievements have they attained? What are their passions?
Charming people know that there is nothing more complimentary than when someone has taken the time to get to know you. They are quick to find something in common with you. They remain totally attentive to you.
Before you meet someone you want to charm, gain some insight into their personality. You can do this by talking with someone who knows him or her or by reading their LinkedIn, Facebook, or Twitter profiles.
Charming people understand that we like people with similar personality styles and that we communicate best when people “speak our language.” Charming people will adapt to your personality traits.
For example, a person with a direct personality style likes a short, sharp meeting that gets to the point. An influencer likes to talk a lot about himself or herself, as well as hear positive feedback and testimonies. People with a social personality style like to talk about the team, their families, and their long-term relationships. People with a conscientious personality style like to talk about process, creative hobbies, and research.
Recently, I met an executive manager at a global company who wanted to outsource training delivery nationally. After some research, I deduced that he has an influencer style. We spoke about him a lot, had a laugh, and maintained a happy, positive meeting.
When you meet someone famous, how would you greet him or her? You would probably look in his or her eyes, smile with adoration, shake hands warmly, be firm but caring, be on the balls of your feet projecting confidence, and say what a pleasure it is to meet him or her.
Charming people have a warm manner. They greet you as though you are the most amazing person and it is such a privilege to finally meet you. They make you feel as if you are on the red carpet at the Academy Awards.
Charming people make you feel as though you are the most important person in the room, even if you are there with others. They aren’t rude to others, but they take the time to engage you in a personal chat about your life. It may be about your academic achievements, your family, a hobby, or where you grew up. They will congratulate you on your achievements and ask questions about how you did it. In their agenda, you are the most important person and they want to listen to you.
Charming people don’t talk a lot; they are masters of getting you talking, and since many of us like to hear ourselves speak, we really like them.
At the end of the day, charming someone is about esteeming them above yourself. It’s about using your words and manners to lift them up and give them honor.
Charming people understand humility. Humility has been largely mistaken for “a poor mouth attitude, poverty, and failure.”
True humility is “strength under control.” It’s knowing who you are and being proud of it but recognizing the greatness in others and giving them esteem above yourself. Charming people are not afraid to act small to make you feel bigger. They will joke about their own vulnerabilities, but never another’s.
Their great joy is to make you feel as though you are a special person, and they do it all with absolute sincerity and authenticity.
—Chris Gaborit is managing director at The Learning Factor.