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Today in Tabs: Too Many Tabs

2 Cool 2 Be Tab’d.

The internet lost its collective mind this weekend over an 11-minute satirical sitcom intro clip called Too Many Cooks, which originally aired as segments on Adult Swim which is what Cartoon Network turns into at night, I guess? In a remarkable display of weekend tab-generating efficiency, we already have Behind the Sceneses, Making Ofs, Whatever, It’s Not So Greats and What This Says About Yous. Buzzfeed’s Jace Lacob turned in a Millennial-flavored thinkpiece that seems to start from the premise that you only saw 80s sitcoms “from the couch of your grandparents’ house” and not, for example, when they were first-run primetime entertainment that you begged your parents to let you stay up late to watch (because you are old). Perhaps the strangest response, though, was Amazon announcing a Too Many Cooks tie-in home electronics product called Echo.

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Taylor Swift’s new video, for Blank Spaces, wasn’t so much “released” as “fell out of a hole in internet clownshoes portal Yahoo’s pocket” on Sunday night. [Ed. note: preserving this mistaken song title for posterity, thanks to Jessica Roy for the catch.] It was up long enough for the fandom to notice, then disappeared, then reappeared in bootleg form on Vimeo and various other video sites, then disappeared on all of those too, then finally re-re-appeared on Taylor’s Youtube VEVO page, apparently for good this time. Poker whiz Jason Calcanis offered Taylor some dumb ideas on Twitter, as though she weren’t already a billion times more successful than he is. Caity Weaver explores the correspondences between Taylor’s new video and three of Beyoncé’s. But most importantly, The Hood Internet mashed up “Shake It Off” and Kendrick Lamar’sBackseat Freestyle” and it works a lot better than you would expect.

Dustin Curtis is rarely right but he nails this one: Amazon has no taste. Russell Brand mockery Parklife! turns to Russell Brand promotional vehicle Parklife!. Buzzfeed doesn’t do clickbait, insist the editors of Wooden Boat Quarterly. The amazing story behind The Stewart. Bill Watterson continues to sort of tentatively return kind of maybe. Tig Notaro goes topless. Today in Dads. A love letter to Rihanna’s nipples. Kim Kardashian makes everyone else look like a failure at apps.

I’m informed that Bijan has just been released from the burn unit after Friday’s triple-own. Let’s see if he found us a tab.

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TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by BIJAN STEPHEN

He got 99 iPhones but gettin’ hitched ain’t done,” writes Daniel Bean over at Yahoo Tech, in a story that’s as funny as it is tragic. (Incidentally, that sentence is a strong contender for Lede Of The Week. Big shout!)

Anyway, here’s the short version: In anticipation of Singles’ Day—which somehow manages to be much happier than Singles Awareness Day, February 14th—a Chinese man bought 99 iPhones (worth a cool $82,000!), arranged them in a heart shape, and proposed to his girlfriend in front of a crowd. She said no. There are pictures.

The thirst cut is the deepest, I guess?

Lavish obnoxious public marriage proposals being shot down is literally my favorite thing, so thanks Bijan. You did good today.

Today’s Song: Ah-Ha, “Take On Me

Ok, Today’s Real Song: B. Dolan, “The Devil is Alive

~Talking away, I don’t know what tabs should say, I’ll say it anyway~

Today in Tabs is on FastCoLabs and Tinyletter. Dang I gotta get this thing posted.

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