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Today in Tabs: The Gift of Garb

Treat yourself.

Today in Tabs: The Gift of Garb
[Photo: Flickr user Sebastiaan ter Burg]

Sam Biddle, despite dressing exclusively in Tryhard for Men, has been on a pretty good streak lately. He did a job on Blake Lively’s rose-tinted view of slavery: “Think of how great it would be if we could treat history like a buffet and just pick out nice parts? The chic tailoring of SS uniforms, the athleticism of Roman bloodsport, the loyalty of feudalism.” Then he managed to troll both gamergate and Joel Johnson with one tweet advocating the return of bullying. Well done. And now that we’re being forced (why? I don’t know!?) to contemplate whatever “gamergate” is supposed to be, Sam is also pointing out that it’s been co-opted by a bunch of reactionary nobodies who don’t care about gaming and never did. And Sam isn’t the only one pointing out that “gamergate” is a new brand for the same old gang of misogynists, MRAs, and right-wing douchebags. Amanda Marcotte pointed out that even the “acceptable” face of gamer gate—“it’s about ethics in journalism”—is utter nonsense. I ignored gamergate for a long time because it is literally nothing but the same old gang of jackholes using a new hashtag, and therefore not worth noticing. Now let’s all go back to not noticing it.

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I said “douchebag” in the previous graf and I’d like to draw your attention to this fine explication of the word and its proper uses by Michael Mark Cohen.

Rioting libertarian teens failed to sufficiently destroy Keene, NH this weekend. We can only hope they try again soon.

In The New Inquiry, Janani Balasubramanian reinvents the semiotic essay as a list of sentences that have no obvious meaning or relationship with one another. Just kidding, that’s the traditional form of the semiotic essay. Anyway this one’s about blow jobs.

Egg for Beginners: It seems that even some long-time Tabs readers were not aware that I call Marc Andreesen “Egg” because he is actually a living egg IRL:


Humpty Dumpty sat on the board of numerous startups

It began as a joke, but at this point I have to struggle to remember his real name. Kevin Roose talked to him for NYMag, not, apparently, for any particular reason other than Egg likes to hear himself talk. He does the expected—promotes Lean In, describes Silicon Valley’s blatant cronyism as an “interesting” critique of “the meritocratic ideal,” then later criticizes the cronyism of taxi regulations when they interfere with Uber. He’s less wrong and oblivious when he gets into what democracy is good for and what happened to the middle class, but you would still be better off spending your time reading virtually anyone else’s opinions, and Kevin Roose would be better off talking to people who don’t already have a several hundred million dollar megaphone.

Cliven Bundy talks to his black friend. “It’s almost like black folks think white folks owe them something.” Literally unsatirizable.

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It was fairly quiet in the NY Times Weekend Trolling Section. There was the wistfully remembered but objectively terrible relationship, there was apartment-hunting for the terminally narcissistic (or, as Gothamist put it, “22-Yr-Old Settles For $3700/Month Apartment”). And the ethicist took on whether a gorilla gives a shit that Robin Williams is dead. Spoiler: no and also ugh shut up.

Maybe don’t, with that Ebola Halloween costume. Maybe just don’t.

Good Tabs: “The Devil’s Weed” grows in Manhattan. The National Review sure is into Lena Dunham! Kathleen Hale wrote a weird and inconclusive story of being catfished by a book reviewer. Sometimes I think every person on the internet is gross and damaged, and other times I am sleeping. Jenn Schiffer’s var t; does Magritte! Ceci nest pas un onglet. Thomas talked to A Site a Day’s Jennifer Dewalt about what it’s like making a new website every day. Mallory’s internet glossary is good but triggered a lot of predictably bad tweets. Two words: DEEP FRIED CORN CANDY.

TODAY’S INTERN TAB, by BIJAN STEPHEN

The other day a friend and I went to a Manhattan bookstore that’s currently disguised as an apartment. It was my first time; it managed to be exactly what I expected. There were a few other people there, mostly young, drunk, and well dressed—they’d speak in low tones about their mutual friends, fingers running absentmindedly along some book’s spine. Michael Seidenberg presided regally over the whole thing, puffing on a pipe and sipping Wild Turkey while fiddling with the playlist.

The New Yorker dot Com recently published a set of drawings about the rapidly disappearing bookstores of New York City. These manage to be sweetly affecting: warm pictures for warm nostalgia. Seidenberg’s three-room shop might soon be memorialized in a postcard, too.

Anyway, as I made my way to the subway—full of whiskey and wine, feeling like I’d witnessed a moment—I noticed I’d managed to accidentally buy a book on my way out the door.

“The other day I was at a bar with my Millennial friends. We drank many cocktails, and I said I wish I knew what would become of us. They laughed and I touched my soft, warm cardigan. Later I read a book.”
—Literally Bijan like every day.

Today’s Fun Video: 87 Bounces

Today’s Song: The new Taylor Swift song is, like, not good. Sorry.

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~If her horny tabs protrude, they come / To show how cold she is, and dumb~

I’m having the worst allergies this fall. Anyone else? Today in Tabs sniffles at you from FastCoLabs and/or wheezes its way into your email four days a week, more or less. Follow @rustyk5 or @Todayintabs.

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